grace blogging

2011-02-22T00:06:00.002+08:00

When I was a small kid, he would always bring me to sit the MRT to nowhere.
Where ever I wanted to alight, we would just go down and walk around before taking it back home.
After dinner, he would always bring me out of the house to walk.
We will always end up at a small mama shop and he would buy me my favourite sweets.

Even though he don't really understand english, he still brought me to watch the movie Pocahantas. And instead of popcorn, he would get me a mix bag of gummy sweets.
You know the ones with cute shapes like vampire tooth, berries, bears, snakes, ......

Sometimes he would bring me to the library across the road. Not to read books, but to look out of the glass window just to see the cars move by.

I remember once I fell down while crossing the road with my grandmother, just so I could quickly meet up with my grandfather. He was so worried, he quickly bought a box full of plasters for me.
I was left with a scar on my knee. The mark is still there, but it has faded a lot.

Once I took a magazine and showed him the play dough toys I wanted. And he told me, "I would buy for you when I stike 4D". But that night, I kept throwing my tantrums insisting he buy it for me right away.
And he did. He brought me to the department store and got it for me.
I still remember he took out a 50 dollar note to pay for it.
Then my heart ache a little.
Because my grandfather actually work for that money.
But I was a stubborn girl.

When I was young, I love to play "cooking cooking."
I had my own kitchen set. I would always be the cook, and my grandfather the customer.
It was so much fun.

At night while we sleep, he would always recite to me cantonese poems.
And I would always have to complete the poetry with a final sentence that I have long forgotten.
He always tells me that when I grow up, I have to be a good girl. Listen to my parents. Study hard. And up till today, he still tells me that.

But when I'm now all grown up, I rarely even spend time with him anymore.
Busy with my own life. Forgetting all the love and sacrifices I've been showered with.
I'm such a bad grand daughter.

He loves to smoke. But my uncle, aunties and mum knows he will listen to me.
So one day I told him don't smoke anymore.
And he listened. He quitted smoking.

I remember once we went on a holiday. I was left alone in the pool. And you know how I am afraid of water. I came out of the pool, searching for my parents. I couldn't find them or anyone I knew. I was on the verge of crying. And it was him who came to my help.

When I went back home to live with my parents and when my parents scolded or want to cane me. I would just call him for help. And he would scold my parents and save me. He really is my guardian angel.

Everyday of my first 4 years of life,
was filled with happiness and love.
And I could never ask for a better childhood.
If I ever live again, I don't want any of this to change.

I was his favourite grandchild. And he was my favourite grandfather.
I can't imagine a day without him.

Every single year without fail, there will be one birthday wish that would be "God, please don't take my grandparents away from me. I love them very much."

But I've never told them how much I love them so.
I wish I had the courage to hug them and tell them "I love you."
Same goes for my parents. :'((

2011-02-20T00:01:00.002+08:00

Had my first korean class at NUS exchange. The class is very big, but the teacher very interesting. ((:
I like korean lessons.

Went to church after class.
Made the same prayer for you like all the past weeks.
I'm surprise at myself.
Dilligently finding time to go to church.
Maybe its because I believe that if I go to church enough and make the same prayer for you at every single session.
God will probably make it come true.

But of course, I'm there to recieve God's loving words too. ((:

2011-02-19T01:55:00.001+08:00

I wish the rest could see through my eyes how beautiful you are.

2011-02-16T22:58:00.002+08:00

How I long that whenever I cry, my mummy will be there to comfort me.
But she never does.
Not once when I broke up with my boyfriends, nor when I was troubling with my directions in life.
I'm the eldest, I have to be stronger than any of my sisters.
Need to be independent, so my sisters can learn from me.

In some ways, I thank my parents for teaching me this way.
If it weren't for them, I wouldn't be the independent, wise, strong, optimistic girl I am today.

But......,
I feel very lonely with no shoulders to cry on.

2011-02-14T23:03:00.008+08:00

14 February 2011.

Roses, chocolates, balloons and couples hand in hand are filling the streets.
Makes me feel lonely.

Dear you,

I have no chocolates, teddy bears nor surprises for you.
Just this song I've been learning for the past few weeks.
I do not have the best piano skills out there,
but it is played with my most sincere heart.
This is my present to you.

Happy Valentine's Day.

Love, Grace.

*You have to scroll down my page, stop my blog page music before playing.

The video below is my "Full" Version of the piano piece.
It is filled with mistakes though.
But I like it better. ((:

2011-02-13T23:03:00.003+08:00

Days are getting more boring for me.
My parent's have their own plans.
My sisters have their own lives.
My friends are busy.
So it's left with my book and me.

I want to do so many things.
But it is not fun doing it by myself.

Watch the sunrise or the sunset.
Do some cycling, running or even day dreaming by the beach.

Riding the Singapore flyer or the river boat.
Walking down chinatown, little india, arab street, sentosa.....
Taking pictures of everything ugly and beautiful.

Fly a kite at Marina barrage.
Go to an ice-skating rink or a bowling alley.
Or even playing pool.

Visit the museums.
Spend hours and hours marveling at the works on display.
Or sitting at the cafe, sipping coffee, chit chatting or reading a book together.

I just don't want to do things alone.
It is not fun.

2011-02-11T23:38:00.006+08:00

Today I came to a conclusion.
Whatever that has happened, it is all God's will.
God has been protecting me these four years.
Making sure I never be so hurt ever again.
Because it pains him.
& because God doesn't want me to scold him and resented him like I did 4 years ago.
Because again, it pains him.

I remember the words I told God that day.
"I don't want to be in love ever again!! I'm going to lock my heart forever."
And I begged him not to let me be hurt anymore.
"If one day, I ever moved on and fall in love ago, please take him away from me. I don't want a moment of blindness to cause me a future of pain."

And four years just passed like this.

Not many people knew what happened.

"Except that my ex boyfriend and I chose to break up right after he made the decision to go USA to study.
Then, I was a selfish person. I didn't want him to go. I couldn't accept his dream. And I didn't want to wait for him to come back. Because I can't trust him. That probably, made him snapped.

The funny thing was, God hinted to me before that we will never work out. But I never listened to him.
Right after one week we started dating, he disappeared. We broke up.
But I was sad, but not very sad, since we just started.
And 2 weeks later, he came asking me to come back to him.
In my head, it was a clear no. I never give anyone a second chance in love.
I didn't give him an answer. He assumed it was a yes. And I let him assumed that way, till it was too late for me.

When we got back together, I was already going to church.
I asked him to go with me. He did.
He never believed in God, up till today.
That day at the church, while we were singing our praises, he got out of his seat with displeasure, left the room and smoke! His rudeness and disrespecting attitude pissed me off. But, I didn't do anything. And I even let him talked me out of going to church.

You know how they say, Love is Blind. Now that I think back, I was really blinded to the point I lost my own senses. I became someone, I don't know at all. Needless to say, we were fated to break up at some point. Because it was all God's will. And I believed it was my punishment to suffer the pain. Being with Hoang was my life's biggest and only regret. "

These, took most of my cheerfulness away.
In the past I was a very optimistic and happy person. I'll always giggle at everything, and have a huge smile on my face all the time. Even my teacher would comment to me "How can you be so cheerful all the time." Hahahas.

But!
These, made me a wiser and more matured person. I became more understanding.
And my motto in life became "Don't ever have any regrets in your life."

And fast forward today, I am grateful to God for making me into the person I am today.
I still have my flaws. I am still learning how to become a better me.
But I'm happy to be me. I love myself. ((:

And I am also happy to have embraced my past today, so that I can live in the present.
It was a burden to be caught in between. Now, I can heave a sigh of relieve.

God had never forsaken me. I did. But he still loves me no matter what I had done in heaven and on earth. I am still sinning, and he is still forgiving. God even told me to trust him with all my heart, that someday, he will give me someone who will sweep me off my feet.

Today, God taught me how to love someone selflessly. There were tears in my eyes. But a big smile on my face. I am happy.

My answer:-

You know I love you when I pray for you every night, hoping you will find your happiness. For God, to give you that one girl who will let you sweep her off her feet.

Amen.

2011-02-07T22:22:00.002+08:00

Woke up at 8.30 this morning. Left my house at 9.15am. Took the train to Bugis. From Bugis, I walked all the way to Little India.
There I saw a different part of singapore. The vibrancy and culture I thought Singapore never had.

Had my interview. I initially wanted to just go back home. But since I'm rarely up so early with so much free time, why not explore more.
From Little India, I walked to Bencoolen street.
There, I remembered how my grandparents used to bring me here practically everyday. To walk around and to visit the temple to pray for me to do well in my studies.
It is amazing feeling to just remember the past I had forgotten over the years.
The place is still filled with many people; elderlys.
People visiting the temple, shopping from the pasar malam. I felt my heart warmed.

From there, my feets brought me to Dhoby Ghaut. To Park Mall. Took the lift up to the 12th floor to NUS exchange and gave myself my dream.

Walked passed SMU to City Hall, wishing I had studied hard enough to enter this school. It hit on me that if I scored good grades, I wouldn't be in the dilemma I am in now. And if I ever have a chance again, I am going to study very very hard.

Took the train from city hall. Wanted to make my contact lenses today. But the shop is closed till Thursday. By then the afternoon sun was up. I just took a bus home even though it is just 2 stops away.

I don't get to live everyone morning like today. And I figured if I live every morning like this, it would probably lost its amazement and meaning.
This morning, I felt I lived my life to the fullest. ((:

What did you do this morning?

----------------------------------------------------------------
3 years ago, I loved you.
3 year later, I am falling in love with you over again.
3 years ago, you didn't loved me.
3 year later, will you love me?

But I treasure our friendship so much to let you know ever again.
I don't want to ruin anything between us.
I am already happy with you by my side. That's enough. ((:

2011-02-06T22:19:00.002+08:00

Valentines day is once again approaching.
It will be my 21st time being alone on that day.

"I love you. You love me too."
How does it feel to have that kind of love?
I have long forgotten.
Was I happy?
It is almost 4 years of just me in my life.

2011-02-05T23:57:00.001+08:00

The greatest story ever told- Oliver James.

"And if I lived a thousand years

You know I never could explain

The way I lost my heart to you that day

but if destiny decided I should look the other way

then the world would never know the greatest story ever told

and did I tell you that I love you

tonight..."

2011-02-05T23:11:00.004+08:00

I have so many people that I call a friend in my life.
But how many out of these people are actually a real friend; I really don't know.
Only they know.

Up till today I always find it very difficult to call any friend, my bestfriend.
Even the closest ones to me.
I have a big problem with trusting anyone.
Because a bestfriend hurting me is more painful than me breaking up with a boyfriend.
Seriously.

"In primary school, I had my first bestfriend called X. We were very close. But one day in Primary 6, I saw her passing letters to another classmate of mine and when I came to talk to them, she quickly hid the letter from me. Told my another close friend, Y, about it. And she actually came running up to me after school with that letter. After I read the contents of the letter which I still kept up till today, I NEVER talked to X ever again, even when we went to the same secondary school. She was the first and only person in my life I could never forgive. "

From then on, I never acknowledged anyone as my bestfriend ever again.
Only close friends, friends and aquaintances.

Sometimes, I really wish I have that bestfriend who I can always talked to, share all my secrets to, cry to, laugh to, and to talk cock with. The one person that will be there for me. The one person that I can trust.
But if I ever have one, will they hurt me?

2011-02-05T22:47:00.002+08:00

My 2011 Resolutions

1)Earn many many money

- Travel to Taiwan in Auguest

- & back to orea in the 2nd half of the year.

2) Don't go back to School, unless I know what I really want to study.

- Study something I love and not because of influence.

3) Grow as a person

- Practice patience and tolerance. But don't overdo it and hurt myself.

- Control my hot temper!

4) Fall in love

-Not a one sided love. It's time to open up my heart. Don't be afraid. Be strong!

-Believe and trust. :D

5) Stay Strong For My Dream

- I must never ever give up! Must stay positive

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
All these I have it engraved into my 2011 diary. So that it can remind me every single day.
But just going into the 2nd month of the year, I already know resolution number 2 cannot be fulfilled and resolution number 1 will most likely be just half fulfilled.

Yes, I've decided to go back to school. I'm not going to study something I love. But I can't say it is something I hate too.
I am going back to school purely because of influence and pressure, from everyone else and including myself. This isn't what I want. However, I have to admit I have to do something about it. I can't be forever waiting and longing for something I cannot have.
Thus, I choosed the alternative route.

I am very afraid I might live to regret my decision. But who knows I might not. Realised I cannot be forever living in fears.

Resolution no.5- Stay strong for my dream, is still staying strong in me.

I may have chosen an alternative route despite knowing that is not what I want, but I'm still not giving up on my dream. It just means I'll take a longer time to reach there.

I'm very lucky to be able to live my dream once already. It was the best time of my life. And because I was able to live once and feel it, all the more I am going to fight for it. To work hard for it. I promise, someday I will reach there.

Never once, I felt the one year sacrificed was in vain. I learned many things. Experienced so much that one year being in school earlier could give me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

2010-11-08T16:52:00.002+08:00

5 Weeks have passed, and another 7 more weeks to go.
It may seem that I still have a handful of time left here, but time flies, really really fast.
These days, I am starting to think again.
About what I should do when I go back to Singapore?
Should I just try to enter the local university? Or should I just go out to the working world?
Sadly, what I have to do soon isn't what I want to do.

Today in class. We were ask to write a paragraph on what we want to do.
I wrote:-
"Most importantly, I want to study in Kyung Hee University. I want to study korean language and Geography. I also want to work in a Korean Farm. I will work hard towards my dreams."

Do I know what I want to do? YES! It's not like I don't know what to do. It's not like I'm lost with no direction. But, I can't just go for it, not yet. Because it's not my decision alone to make.

You know what sucks even more! There this scholarship I can try to apply to. Who knows my dream can be fulfilled just next march! But I'm stopping myself. The application forms are all here on my hands. Waiting for me to fill it up.

I've waited the entire year for this scholarship application to open. And my whole head is just hestitating and saying, "you're not ready, do it next year."
WHY? Is it so hard to get two of my teachers to write recommendation letters? Is it so hard for me to come up with a pledge, a study plan and an introductory essay?

Everytime, I think about this. I just feel like breaking down and cry.
It's really stressful planning my future.
And then, I'll start running away from reality again. Hais.

Why can't I dream like normal people. Just go to any university, get a degree, find a job to feed yourself, get married, have kids, retire when you're old, and die.

2010-09-10T00:05:00.001+08:00

I want to be someone confident and in control of her own life.

I will slowly learn to be that person I want to be. ((:

2010-09-01T23:37:00.002+08:00

I thought you liked me for me.
But I was wrong.
You liked me because of my look alike.
I was just a substitute for her.

Thank you very much for showing me what love is.

2010-08-22T10:55:00.002+08:00

I want to run,

running till I can't run anymore.

Running till the pain in my legs overwhelms the pain in my heart.

I don't care if my ankle is swollen.

I don't care anymore if it will strain my ankle further.

I don't care if I can't walk again.

How can I care when I feel only pain in my heart.

I hate lies! I hate lies! I hate lies!

How many countless times have I said that before?

Why did you still lie, mother?

Mother,

why can't you even listen to your daughter?

You want to be heard,

but have you hear?

You want to be listened,

have you listen?

You want to be loved,

have you love?

Mother,

I am your daughter,

your flesh and blood.

But you don't believe me.

Why?

It is fine if I'm not heard, or loved.

But it is not ok,

if you cannot believe me at all.

Why carry me for nine months in your tummy

and suffer?

Why even have me in the first place to disrupt your perfect life?

Why bother scolding and caning me in my teenage years and wasting your breath?

Why feed me and waste your money?

What is the point when you cannot even believe me.

Don't waste your time and money.

2010-07-04T13:00:00.000+08:00

When I see my friends moving on with life, while I am still stuck in my own place and time. I wish I was them. Know I have a dream to fulfil. But there are times I would think is it worth it? Is it worth wasting 2 years? I don't deny there ain't no soreness. But I know my answer will always be: "yes, it is worth it. I have a dream to build. And 2 years it is worth the wait. And the better it will get, if I worked hard for it? Wouldn't it?" Let's hope I made the correct choice.

2010-06-29T00:42:00.003+08:00

Half a year has passed and still no 2010 new resolution from me.
BUT! .................
I just thought of one.
By the end of this year, I want to learn how to stand up on my own "two feets" again despite the harsh realities life has presented me with. I need to stop running away. I'm only 1/4 done with my life, I still have a very bright 3/4 more to go. ^.^V

So WONG AI WEN GRACE!
Listen up here.
I'm going to say this once.
You better listen carefully and remember clearly!
DON'T EVER FUCKING GIVE UP!

By the end of 2010, I want to see yourself pulled together.
Believe in yourself, you can do it! :D

2010-03-15T23:16:00.001+08:00

Once was a lesson.

Twice was a coincidence.

Thrice was an experience.

Fourth was painful,

And the fifth, was just too much to bear.

2010-03-15T00:29:00.002+08:00

Staring blankly at the birthday card he had given me. Remembering that night when he pop up in front of me with the card, making me so touched. That's the sweetest thing any guy had done for me.

Sometimes, I wonder does he still remember that night when he first gave a girl a card? And at other times I wonder, did he mean it when he told me he'll never forget that moment.

These questions aren't important anymore, aren't they.
He'll never know how much he meant to me.
He'll never know why I started running away from him.

But I'll know why. Because I loved him.

& it still ends the same way as it does all the time; just like a cycle.

2010-02-03T23:07:00.003+08:00

Happy Birthday Kyuhyun! ♥♥♥

규현, 생일 축하해.

I am so very lucky to be celebrating my birthday on the same day as him. The probability could possibly add up to be one in a trillion. Ain't I blessful.

Went to work as usual today. My bosses, collegues and children surprised me with a huge chocolate cake and a handmade card. And of course, it brightened up my day. I am very thankful to have known them.

How could I forget the constant incoming smses and wall posts that feeds my happiness delightfully. Your thoughtfulness and well wishes are very appreciated so much.

Also, my family. I'm just happy and thankful enough that they remembered my birthday this year and to have them celebrating it with me. Isn't it blissful to wake up early in the morning for work and have breakfast ready on the table just because daddy and mummy wants you to be without an empty stomach for work. Doesn't it feels wonderful to have them coming down to my work place and having dinner out together. Doesn't it feels happy to have them get me a birthday cake after 8 years. That's the best birthday present I could ever ask for.

& my biggest happiness is having the one person I've been waiting for, appearing in front of me, wishing me happy birthday.

1 corinthians 13

"Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always persevere."

I am blessed to be loved and to love. I'll never want to be anywhere else, than where I am with God, my family and my dear friends right now.

It's great to be twenty; still very young, alive and kicking.

2010-01-25T23:28:00.000+08:00

You finally saw me completed the cube.

2010-01-24T22:19:00.002+08:00

Then,

the unsolved cube,

represented my pursuit to happiness.

Now,

with your help,

even the impossible had turned possible.

I've solved the puzzle to my happiness.

Does it mean anything that,

our lives are being intertwined by that little box of puzzle.

2010-01-20T23:20:00.006+08:00

2010; Wednesdays are my favourite days of the week.

I dislike solving the Rubik's cube so much and that is the last thing I would do in my entire life. It makes me fustrated and I do not have the patience to sit through the entire time just to get the colours right. But it became top of my to-do-list, just for you. Just to prove to you I am not stupid.

And today, through sheer determination, tremendous amount of hard work, handful of late nights and of course with my intelligence, I solved the entire cube! Of course, a small portion of my success was because of your teachings too. I am so proud of myself!

At work, I find myself becoming like some old naggy grandmother to the children. Just to knock some sense into them, I even have to start preaching on some inspirational future talk. But children these days seem to have short term memory, it just wouldn't get my words into their head. And I'm also so tired of shouting and scolding them. But, it would be unfair to say that they are naughty at all times. They still have their fair share of lovable moments. They will show their appreciation for us through cards and just today, they asked me to stand outside the class to prepare for a surprise. It turns out, the classroom wall ended up filled with chinese new year cards from them. Hahas! Maybe they were expecting to recieve some red packets from me in time to come. Too bad, I'm not married. :D

Also, I've paid for the Super Junior's Super Show 2 live @ KL tickets already. I'm $600 broke for 3 tickets. Just for you, Kyu Hyun. But! it is just temporary! I'm going to get back $400 from the $600 I pay. Oh wells, either way, I am going to see super junior and that would be the best birthday present I can give to myself this year.

With the Super Show 2 in place, my korea trip is definitely going to be delayed. ): I am still waiting for the tour agencies to release their April air flights to Korea prices, before I can start planning for it. I am also tempted to get myself an Ipod touch to store all my SuJu videos even before I go for my korea trip. Don't understand why I can't stop being a spendthrift and start saving for the future. CPF are made for people like me.

Love is the word I would use to describe my feelings for Kyu Hyun,

but,

Love is too strong of a word to describe how I feel for you; just for now.

Not because I am too crazy over super junior to return back to reality,

but,

because you existence is real, I am more protective of myself towards you.

I am learning to lift the walls of my heart,

so just for now,

please wait for me.

2010-01-13T22:18:00.004+08:00

Was on my way home from a bad day with my mind filled with thoughts of you.
Then like a miracle, you appeared in front of me putting a smile on my face.
Was it sheer coincidence or was I fated to meet you?

Horrible day at work today!

Have so much admin work piling up and yet not having any time to clear any of it. Not when I'm so busy with student care duties. My little angels and devils seems to be getting more and more naughty and it's getting a little bit difficult to control them, especially those in the upper primary. That explains why, I am starting to get impatient and very hot tempered towards them. Worst thing- there's this P1 boy, while playing Monopoly, he said f-k. We scolded him, he cried and promised us not to do it again. Then, in the evening, he said it again in front of another child parents. Speaking about wrong timing. Wonder what kids these days are learning.

2010-01-10T00:10:00.003+08:00

New blog song; it's called"Listen.... to you". OST for a new drama series called "Pasta" and it's of course sung by my one and only beloved Kyu Hyun. Let him serenade you with his warm voice.

Despite the OT I had today, I still can't finish all my admin stuff for work. Went to Tampines after work and did some shopping. I just can't stop spending lately, bought three new shirts and a hair dye. Went back home and dyed my hair. In the end, there isn't much of a difference. Unless under the lights, my hair still looks black to me. Tomorow I shall get another bottle of hair dye (this time a brighter colour) and try again. And, I'm going down to the optician to get myself a new set of glasses. Then, I cease all shopping for this month. Otherwise I would never save enough for my Korea trip.

After a long time, brought Audrey and Tiger swimming today. They definitely did have lots of fun. I haven't spend much of my time with them these days too. I'm glad, I did today. :D

The art students are going to have an evening picnic tomorrow. I'm soooo excited! ((:

And if you're wondering why I'm blogging so regularly these days, it's because I need to improve my english. I need to be a better english teacher to my little angels and demons and also for my own good. Also no more singlish from now onwards. I'll try! :))

2010-01-08T22:46:00.004+08:00

Security lies behind the walls of a closed heart.
You either invite the union by opening in love,
or you secure the isolation by closing down.

Would it be God's gift,
or another heartbreak?
Should I be confident,
Or take away the courage God had entrusted to me.

Dear Lord,
Is this one of your wondrous miracle?
Or when the sun sets,
will this mirage disappear like it has never existed before.

2010-01-07T22:13:00.003+08:00

I am so sleepy.
Tomorrow's suppose to be the last day of the week for my work. But, I've got an OT till 9.30pm and OT on saturday too. It's very tiring. But knowing I am doing all this for my dream, it is all worth it. This is the first time I have ever worked so hard, put in so much effort for myself.
I will be happy.

2010-01-06T22:19:00.002+08:00

This is my new handphone wallpaper! Soooo handsome.
I refuse to be a fan of Cho Kyuhyun! Because he is not my idol.
He is just a normal boy who has a lovely voice, a pair of charming eyes, a kind heart that I can't help but fall in love with. ((:

I was at the wrong place and wrong time, when love arrive.
It wasn't even the right person.
But does love always have to be right?
Because being so wrong makes my whole world feel so right.
Saranghae. :)

2010-01-05T22:40:00.005+08:00

'Super' facts time! Did you know that my two blog songs are from Super Junior- Sorry sorry and Song for you. And "Song For You" is actually a christian worship song by them. May God bless them! ((:

Now back to my post.

Although work today was long and very tiring, time flies, so I really enjoyed my entire time there. I'm beginning to start 'taming' my little angels and devils. The good news is that it is great to see them obeying me. But the not so good news is that every time I start 'taming' them, looking at their frightened or sad expression makes me want to laugh. HAHAS. Good time, I'm good at tolerance.

Recieved my December pay today and talked to my bosses about my job working hours and pay. So, now I'm only working for 5 day week for the most 44 hours, whereby the rest would be all overtime pay. So just for this 2 days alone, I've already clocked 6 hours of OT. That's a good thing, because it means more money and the faster I can save for my Korea trip.

I had to do closing today and thank god the math tutor stayed back and waited with me. Otherwise, I would be all alone and afraid. He's a very nice guy, smart and good looking too. Somehow, ALL the male tutors in our center are too good looking for their own good. HAHAS. Or maybe my bosses prefer hiring good looking male teacher to attract all the female students. Hahas. You never know. :D
Anyways, that math tutor even asked if I wanted to do some part time private tuition. Because he has too many tuition job already, so had to let go some. Too bad, I rejected the offer. I've already have too much things in hand and my remaining time are all for me to have a little bit of life in my life.
And yes at this point of time I need to declare that I'm not at all interested in him, because this may sound as though I'm swooning over him.
Anyways, he walked me to my bus stop. He's a funny guy, so while walking he talked about many rubbish. Then, we ended up talking about my children in the future la and how I should change my mind on marriage.

My stand on marriage right now is that it is the last thing on my future's to do list. I love falling in love. I love to be loved and to love. My biggest wish is for my prince charming to arrive into my life. But somehow the idea of marriage spoils everything else- my freedom, my dreams......
Oh wells, who knows in the future when I found the right one, maybe I'll change my mind.

Anyways, he kept saying that unmarried people are sad. I find this so not true, look my at my aunty! She's alive, well and still kicking. Not only that, she only have herself to care about and wherever she wants to travel she just go away and enjoy her life. Actually, it is because my dream to travel the world played a huge part in my decision too. Okays, anyways he told me, about those unmarried people ending up living in the rubbish dump all alone. And he said, its not the matter whether I want to get married or not. It is whether I want to live in a rubbish dump or not. Hahahas.

And after talking all his rubbish he actually told me that he shouldn't sway my mind too much. Because it feels as though he is proposing to me. HAHAS! If this is the way he is going to propose to a girl with all the rubbish talk, I would feel very sad for the girl.

Okays, I shall end today's rubbish post with me announcing that " I AM STILL VERY MUCH IN LOVE WITH KYU HYUN, ONLY."

2010-01-04T21:29:00.002+08:00

Wanted to write out my New Year resolution today but I'm too sleepy to do so. Maybe I shall do it sometime over the weekend.

Student care started today. Hence officially commencing my job as a student care teacher, adminstrator, cleaner (washing up after the children), tuition in charge, and other stuff. Such a nice name to my post, but the things I have to handle is basically running the whole center. It makes me all the more unhappy with my pay. Worked for ten hours today. The little angels and devils were pretty well behaved today. I say well behave right now because over the next few days, when they start to get use to my presence, they will become chaos.

There was this one P1 malay boy whom I had to send to school today. He is so cute and gentlemanly for such an age. It was his first day in primary school and I feel as though I'm his mummy sending him off. He doesn't know what was his class is and he kept asking me not to leave him there alone. So I ended up walking him all the way to his school hall to find for his class.

My class learned about vowels and consonents today. Teaching them makes me feels like a real teacher. And it is such a marvelous feeling just to share with them part of my knowledge (not that I have many).

Before this week, I was counting and wishing hard for time to pass quickly, now I am wishing hard for time to just stop flying pass.

2010-01-04T00:30:00.004+08:00

Okays here are pictures of my prince.

I love his hair this way. So beautiful.

So cute with his glasses on. Like me, he's short sighted. Hahas. :D

"The person that he loves, if only it was me.

For so many countless days I have prayed ........"

Good night.

2010-01-03T23:57:00.003+08:00

Haven't written a proper post in a long time. Neither will I be doing so right now, nor putting up my resolution. Haven't updated for so long and I don't know where to start.

I'll shall start with updates on my life.

Just came back from a wedding dinner. Everything was so black and dull. I could very well camouflage with the background. Oh wells, as long as they are happy.

I'm no longer working as a florist since a long time ago. Resigned even before I went for the second day. Have been holding a job as a full time admin and student care teacher for an education group for almost a month already. Basically, you can call me the EMA ( education management associate). Nice name huh. I don't even know what it means.

Spent Christmas day and New Year's rather blandly. It was suppose to be the time of the year, but it just didn't feel special at all. I don't know why. It is as though Christmas and New year has yet to arrive.

I'm still waiting for prince charming to arrive and sweep me off my feet and getting a guy would not be part of my 2010 resolution. Time will one day bring him to me. But , I do know much more clearly what I am looking for in my prince charming.

From my blog songs, you can clearly see I'm still very much in love with Super Junior. You can't blame me. They bring sunshine to my life. But, I'm no longer in love with Ki Bum;he just isn't there at all. I am slowly falling in love with Cho Kyu Hyun. He doesn't have the best of looks even though when he pin his fringe up he looks seriously pretty. He has small eyes, cute curly hair style, a sweet smile, a smart brain and most importantly a wonderful voice. Every night I've to hear him sing "Yue liang dai biao wo de xin" before I can fall asleep. There's so much sincerity and warmth in it.

Oh yes, he has the same birthday and same blood type as me. Coincidence or what? Look! I can't stop speaking about him. HAHA! I'll post a picture of him in a while.

Work starts at 7.30am tomorrow. I love my job, but I don't love going to work so early in the morning. Hopefully the children will be good tomorrow. :))

2010-01-01T21:23:00.001+08:00

Happy New Year.

2009-12-31T20:48:00.001+08:00

Bye Bye 2009.

2009-12-01T20:59:00.003+08:00

First day of work and my legs are breaking. If it wasn't for the flowers; I hate sales. The whole time you will be working without sitting. But other than that it was peaceful.

I learnt how to do some adminstrative work, made new friends, enjoyed stamping the papers, learnt how to wrap flowers, cut plenty of soft wrapping paper, served plenty of customers, learnt about the different kind of plants, sweep the floor, throw the rubbish, water the plants and cleaned the vases. I helped to bring in alot of sales too! Hahahas.
Wow, I ACTUALLY did learned alot. :D

My boss is a Japanese and she keeps speaking to me in rojak japanese and english. Maybe soon, I will learn how to speak some Japanese too. Hahas. Also, I was quite shock there will plenty of lovely guys out there buying flowers for their loved ones. There was this one guy who is giving a girl flowers for the first time. And he asked me so many questions. "How many stalks should I give?" "What colour should I give" and blah blah blah. So sweet right. I am so very jealous for all those lucky girls out there. HAHAS!

Come to think of it, it looks like I'm underemployed! Hahas.
Don't know how long I can last in this job, but for the sake of my Korea trip, FIGHTING!

2009-11-30T23:25:00.004+08:00

I'm listening to my blog song with my ears plugged in. And boy, the sound effects are so good. It is so different unlike when it is played out loud from the speakers. Life has been mundane for me, but a happy one. That's because I spent all my time watching Super Juniors funny shows and I can't stop laughing at it. Anyone who sees me might think I'm probably some mad women.

Tomorrow's my first day of work. I'm filled with anticipation. Firstly, it will be my first time working with flowers and I love flowers. Secondly, I've met the people there, they are very nice. And thirdly, I need to earn money for my holiday trip and a new Ipod touch that will be called Dimitri. This time, I'm going to guard it carefully with my life! Hahahas.

That's basically all for my life's happenings. Told ya, it is mundane.
Oh yes before I forget, I've got a new addiction from Super Junior. My number 1 is still always and forever Kibum.<3 My number two is still always and forever Donghae. And now, for my new addiction it will be always and forever Kyu Hyun. HAHAS!
That is all for my love life.
As you can see I'm still living in my delusional world.
But! Who cares, It's my life! Muahahaha....

Don't love me. I can't love you.

2009-11-27T01:55:00.003+08:00

What is love?
Do people love so easily?
If they do, would you call it love?
If they don't, is that love?

2009-11-25T22:42:00.002+08:00

I'm finally done with exams...... for now!! HAH!

2009-11-24T18:51:00.003+08:00

For the past three years,
I've been waiting just for tomorrow to arrive.
I am supposed to be looking forward to it.
It is suppose to be
The new beginning of a new chapter in my book.
But as it gets closer,
I am beginning to fear its arrival.

But you know what
Without a 4-leaf clover
I am still a lucky girl.
Because I have God by my side.
Just like he had been with me for the past 3 years.
He will be my strength,
He will be my courage,
He will be my light in my darkest hour.

I won't run away again
Like how I did 3 years back.
Because I know
What I fear
Is what I have been longing for, so long.
I have just been living in denial, thats all.

Okays, enough of me babbling on what's to come the days after tomorrow. All thanks to my newfound addiction to Twitter, I have not been updating much. It is also partly because I haven't been sad enough to write any new poems to post. Well, that is good news isn't it.

By the way, I've got a new addiction. That is my Kim Kibum. ♥♥♥
He is Korean, a great actor , a great model, a great singer and an awesome dancer. Very unrealistic of me to swoon over him. But at least he doesn't go around breaking my heart. Come to think of it for something so irrational like this is quite rational, don't you think.

His killer smile,

could warm up any hearts.

And the sincerity in his eyes,

could touch deep within any soul.

I can go on and on with my analysis on how perfect he is,

but doubt you would find any of it interesting.

Hais........

You make me want to find a prince charming,

just like you.

2009-11-08T23:43:00.004+08:00

Where are you?
I need you.
Can't you hear my call of despair,

echoing through the night.
Can't you see my tears flowing;
flowing into the abyss of the night.
Please tell me you believe in me

Because that's all I ever need to hear.

2009-11-07T22:55:00.002+08:00

What is a Poem?

Does it have to be imaginative
Does it have to rhyme
And whoever said poems needs to be artistically beautiful?

I refuse to interpret my subjects imaginatively ,
I refuse to rhyme my lines,
I refuse to create a poem that all romanticise.

A poem is a poem because, I call it so.

2009-11-07T21:40:00.003+08:00

It wasn't because I was at the wrong place and wrong time.
It wasn't even because it was destined to be this way.
You are the wrong guy,
just simply because we are from two different world.

I don't believe that two people from two different world can converge.
Neither can I believe that your words are true.
Maybe, I am just not ready for all this.
Or maybe, I'm just afraid to fall in love.

Whenever I think of love,
the pain will always over ride the happiness.
I've been hurt many times before,
I don't want to give you a chance to do the same as the rest.

You can blame it on my lack of confidence.
Or blame it on my lack of faith.
And if you must;
blame me for not trusting you.

Because I'm sorry,
You'll never get to know how much I love you.
I'm sorry,
because I am going to break my own heart before I even give it away.

This is life, isn't it?

2009-11-06T22:44:00.003+08:00

My new blog song is the theme song for the Princess and the Frog. It contains beautiful lyrics, especially for those of you who are in love. ((:

Never Knew I Needed, By Ne Yo
for the way you changed my plans
for being the perfect distraction
for the way you took the idea that i have
of everything that i wanted to have
and made me see there was something missing

for the ending of my first begin
and for the rare and unexpected friend
for the way you're something that i never choose
but at the same time something i don't wanna lose
and never wanna be without ever again

you're the best thing i Never Knew I Needed
so when you were here i had no idea
you're the best thing i never knew i needed
so now it's so clear i need you here always

my accidental happily (ever after)
the way you slime and how you comfort me (with your laughter)
i must admit you were not a part of my book
but now if you open it up and take a look
you're the beginning and the end of every chapter

you're the best thing i never knew i needed

so when you were here i had no idea
you're the best thing i never knew i needed (that i needed)
so now it's so clear i need you here always

who'd knew that I'd be here (who'd knew that I'd be here)
so unexpectedly (so unexpectedly)
undeniably happy (hey)
said with you right here, right here next to me
girl you're the..

you're the best thing i never knew i needed (said i needed)
so when you were here i had no idea
you're the best thing i never knew i needed (needed)
so now it's so clear i need you here always
baby baby
now it's so clear i need you here always

2009-11-05T20:01:00.002+08:00

If you fell in love with the wrong guy, was it because you were at the wrong place and wrong time? Or was it just destined to be this way?

If you fell in love with the wrong guy, what would you do?
What should I do?
Because everything seems so crazily insane.

2009-11-04T22:07:00.002+08:00

What do I want in life?
Do I want to be rich or someone who just have enough to live life by?

Do I want to be single and yearned to be loved till the day I die,
Or do I want to be single just because it makes me happy that way?

Do I want to marry because I have found The One,
Or do I want to marry just because I don't want to be left alone?

Do I not want to fall in love because there's no one right for me
Or do I not want to fall in love because I am afraid of hurt?

Do I want to fall in love because I want to be loved,
Or do I want to fall in love because I love?

BUT, what if....
Falling in love means I'll get to love and be loved, he's perfect for me and he'll never dream of hurting me.
And that I could still have enough to live my life by and still be happy in every other way.

Sometimes unanswered questions are best left alone, sometimes unanswered questions are better answered. So should I answer mine, or not?

2009-10-30T23:24:00.008+08:00

Two days back, I decided to dig out the old photo albums to reminisce the past. Along the way, I decided to snap some pictures to share with you guys. Since it was snapped straight from the photo albums itself, there will be unclear pictures (And No, there aren't any pictures of little grace in her bathing suit). But, that shouldn't be a problem right; who could resist the super duper cute Little Grace. Even I can't stop admiring myself. HAHAS!
Okays, enough of nonsense. Lets begin the displays of Nostalgia.

It's a wonder how little grace had been learning how to swim since 2 and still yet not know how to do so. And this was the one memory that I can still remember so clearly. It was my first time being lost by the pool side.

Don't you miss those free-spirited days of your life?

The innocence of a child.

This is what I call genuine HAPPINESS.

Love this picture.

All play and no work makes little grace a happy girl!

Love the dress. :D

Possibly a year old?

A month old?

The 'pineapple ponytail' hairstyle was my favourite then.

My lovely grandparents. :))

That's my daddy, when he's still young and fit. Wonder what happen over the years. Next time, I'll show you my donald duck birthday cake that my daddy baked for me when I was 6.

Guess who is missing? Besides my daddy.

Don't you feel a sense of nostalgia yourself? Thankfully, I have plenty of pictures to remind me of such beautiful moments of my life.

Life's a funny thing. It never stays constant. As time passes, everything will change. Tomorrow will never be the same as what it is today. We don't know what lies ahead of us, but be it sufferings or happiness it is a person's perspective on their lives that makes all the difference. All it takes for a happy person to lose sight of who they are is when they start viewing their lives negatively. And all it takes for a person suffering to be the most fortunate person in the world, is when they stay appreciating life.

I have much to learn from this aspect. But despite all the unluckiness life throws at me, I still think I am the luckiest girl in the whole wide world. Because, I have a loving family, great friends and a beautiful life. All these are God sent. (:

And Happy Halloween. :D

2009-10-28T11:16:00.002+08:00

The A levels is SO CLOSE! Can't deny that I am already feeling all the before exam jitters, all the worrying and plenty of 'what ifs' in my head. Earlier this year, I confidently told myself I could get 3 As. Now, I can't help but to doubt myself that the As are a little to far fetch for me and then, I kept lowering my own targeted grades. But what the hell am I doing, no matter what happens, I really should have a wee bit of confidence in myself right? I should never underestimate myself. Hopefully I keep this in my head and not start doubting myself again later, tomorrow or the days after.

'Because you believe in me, that's why I believe too.'

2009-10-26T22:35:00.001+08:00

When you love someone, you should treat them the way that words can't explain.

Just some RANDOM thought! :)

2009-10-26T19:55:00.002+08:00

EVERYDAY I LOVE YOU.

I don't know, but I believe
That some things are meant to be
And that you'll make a better me
Everyday I love you

I never thought that dreams came true
But you showed me that they do
You know that I learn something new
Everyday I love you

'Cos I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)
And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul.

It's a touch when I feel bad
It's a smile when I get mad
All the little things I am
Everyday I love you

Everyday I love you boy
Everyday I love you

'Cos I believe that destiny
Is out of our control (don't you know that I do)

And you'll never live until you love
With all your heart and soul

If I asked would you say yes?
Together we're the very best
I know that I am truly blessed
Everyday I love you
And I'll give you my best
Everyday I love you

2009-10-17T23:19:00.003+08:00

I do not know if you all know this, but I am just going to say it anyway.

I am afraid to be alone. Loneliness is second to my fear for death. I am afraid of losing everyone I love so much one day, life just wouldn't be the same anymore. That is why, every single birthday, I would make the one very wish to God for him not to take them away from me.

I am afraid to show my true feelings. I don't know how to express my inner thoughts. Especially with things concerning me. Many of you may know this about me, so you try to take the first step asking me what is wrong and all. And most of the time, you would just end up getting a vague answer from me, or a nevermind, or a I don't know. I do it to make myself less vulnerable to problems in the future. But look, I am trying right now.

Freedom used to be all that I ever wanted. I am not someone to be 'limited'. But now, when I'm nineteen, having all the freedom I could have, it just doesn't feel right anymore. Sometimes, I just want to be a little girl, having my daddy and mummy at the side caring for me, looking out for me. To receive hugs from my mummy every single night, hearing them telling me they love me and me telling them "I love them too". I miss all the "sayang-ness" I got from them when I was sad. When I still a little girl, I used to want to grow up faster. But now, when I'm grown up, I keep telling myself why did I have to grow up so soon.

Inside, I don't trust anyone easily. I know how painful it feels to be betrayed by my own good friends. From that day onwards, I learnt that nothing lasts forever. So I stop trusting as a pre emptive approach to protect myself from future hurt. This is also the reason why I find it difficult to express my inner self to others. But when I start trusting and opening up myself, you would wish I wouldn't.

When it comes to love, I don't know what to say. When you experience the situation where "the last four times you ever loved somebody, they ended up loving your good friends", then you would probably understand a little of how painful of an experience it had been. Coincidence, maybe? So when you don't have any confidence in yourself, don't love. Life always goes on. And I am becoming to like the sound of being thirty but still single and unavailable. Afterall it's the 21st century, I don't need a man to survive. I can be my own prince. But like The Fray's sings 'Never say never'.

Okays, five is enough for today. I don't want you to be overshock by all the confessions of the real me. So till another time, goodnight.

2009-10-08T22:36:00.002+08:00

If I walk would you run
If I stop would you come
If I say you're the one would you believe me
If I ask you to stay would you show me the way
Tell me what to say so you don't leave me
The world is catching up to you
While your running away to chase your dream
It's time for us to make a move cause we are asking one another to change
And maybe I'm not ready

But I'm trying for your love
I can hide up above
I will try for your love
We've been hiding enough

If I sing you a song would you sing along
Or wait till I'm gone, oh how we push and pull
If I give you my heart would you just play the part
Or tell me it's the start of something beautiful
Am I catching up to you
While your running away, to chase your dreams
It's time for us to face the truth cause we are coming to each other to change
And maybe I'm not ready

I may be unhappy with myself for all the silly careless mistakes that caused me so many marks. BUT! I am grateful enough for my Geography and Economics results. It could have been worse.

2009-10-07T21:11:00.003+08:00

If you put in the right ingrediants, you can create rainbows with your bare hands too. :)
Remember at the end of the rainbow, there lies a pot of gold- whatever your dreams are, that is gold.

2009-10-05T22:20:00.002+08:00

I had been studying and am going to do that till 25 November. This is the first time I am trying so hard to reach my dream. That one time that would determine the rest of my life- Who I'm going to be, What I'm going to be, Where I'm going to be? And how am I going to live the rest of my life.
So, jiayou to me! and to everyone else! :)

Guess, I would probably be on hiatus here. Take cares people!

2009-10-01T22:12:00.002+08:00

Okays as promised, but kept very simple. Yesterday, Munirah planned a Seoul Garden outing to celebrate Hong's and Zhen Yi's birthday. Beside us there was Muneera and Wei Liang. Since it is Seoul Garden, we ate so much. Then we played bowling, took plenty of pictures at the rooftop of The Esplanade, and it ended with Wei Liang bringing us to sample moon cake. My feet were hurting from all the walk by the end, but it was very exciting. Thanks Munirah for inviting! :D

And that was the summary of yesterday. Now lets talk about today. SCHOOL IS A BORE, well and it ALWAYS will be. I became friends with Mr. All Bluff One, and it all started with him asking me during night study if I was studying Geography. Then we started talking about the ineffiencies of that teachers, saying that they should do for us sample essays or even give us the answers to all the other JCs papers, like he does for his students. In his sense- it makes the student feels 'complete'. It is no surprise that the A level passing rate for Geography had fallen so much.
I guess you could call it the MI culture; even the teachers has it too, you know.

2009-09-30T22:45:00.003+08:00

Celebrate Yan Hong's birthday with classmates today. But I will give an update on this another time. Today I want to blog about something else.

I don't know about you. But every time I read about a natural disaster happening anywhere in the world, my passion to major in geography just burns stronger than ever. Not because natural disasers has nothing to do with economics (well, besides the costs it brings about from all the damage). Nor is it because I want to know how mother nature works her way. But because I want to help people; I want to save their lives.

I want to educate people how to read the signs of an impending disaster. I want to teach people how to respond to a disaster. Earthquakes, Tsunamis, Volcano eruptions, Floodings, Typhoons don't just occur suddenly. They do have signs to warn the people about its impending arrival. It is the people's unawareness, unpreparedness that makes it a disaster.

I have known for my entire life that my ambition was to help people. I can never be a doctor, a nurse, nor a vet. But I can be a teacher. And no matter how much criticism, how much more people telling me that I cannot do it, I DON'T CARE! It is my dream and I will make it come true.

Because I believe in myself, I want to help others. And above all else, I have faith in God.

2009-09-25T19:28:00.003+08:00

Added another blog song. 'Blame it on the girls' by Mika. You must hear Mika's new album. TOTALLY AWESOME. His music sounds old school, BUT with a modern twist in it! Really good music.

2009-09-23T23:03:00.002+08:00

Just changed blog song again. Now it's called "Boysboysboys" by Lady Gaga.

Before this, I had been contemplating alot whether I should blog today. And I guess you should know whats the answer.

Today was one hell of a busy day for me. Lets begin from the start. I slept very early last night with the thought in mind that I would wake up at 4am this morning and revise my work again. But God thought otherwise. I ended up sleeping through 3 alarms and had to be woken up my mother. In the midst of all the rush, I just kept feeling how I wasn't prepared for my papers at all and that I should give the papers a miss. But, I did it.

Geography and Economics in the same day is a killer. My hands are so tired from all the writing and doubt I have any brain cells left in me. What's even better is, today is my A level coursework submission. Three H2's in a day is madness. But I feel so very relieved getting the burden of my shoulder. It's like I could finally breathe.

My next paper would be next Tuesday and that would be my SOVA. I'm planning to sudy for it. I can screw up my other H2 subjects but for Art, after all the time and effort I had put in, screwing that paper up is just not worth it at all. Till then I am going to catch up with all the beauty sleep I can get and read a book! Hahas.

I want to go for a run tomorrow! :D

2009-09-22T01:47:00.003+08:00

Wish I knew how to play my blog music on the piano. Oh wells, I could try learning it. Only after my middle finger has healed from the cut. Okays, please don't blame me for this very short post. You see, twitting comes with a bad effect.

2009-09-14T22:34:00.003+08:00

Aww... Mr Photographer, you just made my heart skip a beat again.

Isn't it great to be crushing on someone whom you don't really know and may never know. This may sound a tad too crazy but just think about it- It gives them no chances to hurt you and you can just continue to live in your own delusional world.

2009-09-11T00:13:00.004+08:00

Reports of dolphins killings are coming up again. Sometimes I wonder, is it just part and parcel of nature's survival of the fittest, or just us. You tell me.

Finished my canvas! I am so halfway relieved. I'm left with the assembling of my Rubik's cube and 8 preparatory boards with 13 more days to go.

I had a random thought just now- "Anyone can know what my Art is about; but how many can actually see my Art and yet truly understands the feelings beneath all the paint and charcoal?"
Don't know if I had said this before, but this is the first time I am doing an Art influenced by MY LIFE, not the facade of my life.

Okays, I am so sleepy. Need to catch up on all my 'lost' beauty sleep.
Tomorrow is going to be an extremely long day of studying and of course, I want to catch a movie before my exams kickstart next week. Because like the proverb says "All work and no play, makes Jack a dull boy!"

2009-09-09T21:59:00.003+08:00

I just needed to blog to remember today. By the way if you still haven't notice, it's 090909.
Anyways, I completed my ENTIRE canvas painting! HAHAS! So now, I am left with my Rubik's cube and a whole lot of touching up to go. 2 more weeks to deadline!

2009-09-08T21:34:00.003+08:00

When someone close to you keeps hurting you so much, there will come a point in time where you just have to let it go. Be it because you want to protect yourself or even just because you can't accept the other's flaw, nothing will ever change the way it is.

Yesterday, was the last straw. You know the kind of sadness where your heart aches so much, where you felt so certain that trust doesn't exists and that you just could stop your tears from coming. I just knew, I couldn't accept your sorry and forgive you anymore.

I was extremely angry with you for the whole of today. Angry because I allowed myself to be used time and time again. Angry because I never once talked to you about any of this. Angry because I tried so hard to please you and yet still failed in the end.
I'm sure fate has a reason why we ended up this way.

So thank you, but goodbye to my first BestFriend ~~Forever~~.

2009-09-06T22:53:00.001+08:00

In case I don't blog in a long time, you guys can follow me here:
www.twitter.com/gracewongaiwen

2009-09-06T21:46:00.002+08:00

fking fustrated, fking angry, fking pissed! ARGH!
From the way I see how I'm tolerating my anger into one giant mass inside me, I might one day erupt like a volcano.
Why can't I just go cry, scream or anything, just to get this ball of fustration out of me.

2009-09-04T20:50:00.003+08:00

Regarding yesterday post, I know a portion of the wordings had been cut out due to the oversize video. But you guys could still navigate it by highlighting the words towards the right to read it.

What can I say about today's GP exam. I'm speechless, except I know that I made a wrong essay choice again! When will I ever made a correct choice? My running nose is still running like tap water, and it gets even worse in air conditioned room. But at least I feel much better right now. Don't even know if it's my sinus acting up again or just another throat infection thanks to all the chilli I have been eating.

I had a talk session with the principle today because of my attendance. What I find most appalling is that when the hell did I ever clock in more than 4 'without valid reason' leave just for this term alone. In fact, the only 'without valid reason' leave I could think of would be yesterday!

Anyways, yesterday I watched this video about a filipino girl, Charrise dueting with Celine Dion. It is kind of touching, but the main point here is that she has AMAZING vocals. Hear it when you're free.

Charisse Pempengco duet with Celine Dion on Oprah

2009-09-03T13:23:00.002+08:00

www.thecovemovie.com

I haven't watched the film, only the trailer. But after watching this heart wrenching trailer on how the Japanese kill the dolphins just for money, I just had to blog this out to share it with you guys.

The Cove is a documentary film showing light on the CRUELTY and HEARTLESSNESS of humans. In particular, in Taiji, Japan. If you have read the recent Sunday times Newspaper, there was also a similar article on dolphins captivity. What's even worst is that the Japanese don't know that this is happening in their own land. Because the cove, in which these killings are done are blocked off from the rest of the world. And so to say that the only people that can access this area in Taiji are the 'murderers!'

Not only that, they sell these dolphin meats to the japanese as whale meat. If you didn't know, dolphin meat contains high level of mercury. By consuming it, it is as good as consuming poison. Can you believe it?!? Not only do this 'murderers' kills the dolphins, they are even a hazard to humans' lives!

This documentary is showing at only two Golden village cinemas- Plaza Singapura and Vivo city. I suppose that its run time is ending soon. So I'm urging you guys to catch this film, I'm going to catch it too. I've read reviews of this film and they are excellent. And if you are still worrying about the quality of the film, 'The Cove' is the winner of the audiences award at the Sundance Film Festival 2009.

What I want to say is that watching this film doesn't have to mean because it is good, but because you have the heart to care about the dolphins. One by one are being killed for as long as this is stopped by some governing body. To do that, you need to spread the word around, let the clueless people all around the world know what is happening. We have to let them know that the dolphins shows all around the world are not just entertainment but also cruelty towards them.

Imagine, you were that one dolphin captured for some show, losing all the freedom you once had. Living under the scrutiny of the people that you wouldn't even harm. Loving that very being that had captured you.

Imagine, you were that one innocent, friendly, young dolphin living in the cove, who has so much more to live for before you know it, a spear appears.......

We all know that dolphins would never harm us.
So what are you going to do after this? Are you going to sit around or Save the dolphins?

2009-09-01T17:20:00.002+08:00

Won movie tickets to "I love you, Beth Cooper" for later tonight. Not really aniticipating it at all. I'm guessing it's just another lousy kind of film. Who knows it may surprise me with a good plot.
I haven't been studying since the weekends. Just felt I needed a break and have a life somehow.
And by the way, I'm on twitter! (somehow.)

2009-08-30T17:19:00.002+08:00

Kimberley and I had been fighting for almost THREE DAYS already! If you're wondering who's Kimberley, she is my freaking paranoid and stubborn sister. It all started with me asking her if she took my Tupperware. And somehow, she got paranoid, and assumed her that I was accusing her of stealing my Tupperware. I was WHAT THE FUCK! Come on, what similarities does the sentences of "Did you take my Tupperware?" have with "You stole my Tupperware!" APPARENTLY a fucking 0%!!! And anyone who learns English knows I was asking her a question and not making a statement.

AND CAN YOU BELIEVE IT! That's how she started quarrelling with me all because of this one stupid $2 plastic Tupperware! Apparently I was in a good mood, and just ignored her. But somehow she felt even more angry and started posting stupid comments on my facebook and changing her msn status about me shitting on my bed and stuff! Nevermind bout that, what to do she is only 14 years old. It only proves how very young and immature she is. Only such people could think of such rubbish to put up there and I didn't want to ruin my mood to go start a war on facebook, so I just deleted her comment and her off my facebook and continued to ignore her. All was good until just now!

She started fighting with my youngest sister. And guess what they were fighting with- REAL, SHARP KITCHEN KNIVES! Apparently, they thought this was some kind of funny action movie they are starring in. Can anyone tell me, which of your siblings takes the kitchen knives and threaten one another and make hell lot of noise like they aren't bothering the neighbours at all. Sadly, I'm their big sister and I had to stop them. Otherwise, one of them might be dead now.

That was how I started to be involved in their quarrel and it ended up in a war of words between Kimberley and me. I didn't mind her calling me all sorts of nasty names, after all I don't really care what others call me. As long as I know who I am can already, my life is not dictated by others!

However, really did hope I could ignore her insanity, but when she insulted my parents, I got really angry. She started babbling that my mother didn't give birth to her at all and that GOD was the one giving birth to her and all.... And started preaching all about GOD and blah blah blah. I ain't surprise at all with that comment, afterall she almost chased my mother out of her own house not so long ago. I am angry that she doesn't even acknowledge that my mum took pains to bring her into this world. I am angry that she hates my father and doesn't even give him the least respect when all he ever does was for her own good.

She even commented that why didn't my parents aborted her! Why bring her out into this world and then she goes digging up everything from the past again. I am so sad that she is so very blind! The only reason of our existence is because my parents love us and they want us. I told her that, and she thinks its rubbish again.

She only see the faults of others and not her own. She preaches about the heavenly father and yet don't know a single thing about them. Did God teachings ever taught us to abandon our parents? If it's a yes, I am never going to believe in the existence of God ever again!

I tried knocking some shit sense into her, but she still refuses to even believe that I am helping her. What's the point she doesn't even see me as her sister anymore. So I gave up talking to her, went back to my room and here I am venting my anger. Thank god, I have a blog to vent my anger on. Who knows what stupid things I would do.

2009-08-27T22:07:00.003+08:00

I was just watching videos on Human Rights. I came across one that made me so angry. I wonder how could anyone do that to the little baby. That is what you can define as HEARTLESS. I finally understoodwhat is means as not everyone is as lucky as we are to be living the way we are able to right now. Watched it and you will understand the cruelty of life away from our comfort zone.

View this movie at cultureunplugged.com

2009-08-24T22:10:00.002+08:00

Finally in my possession. Only, this time I didn't had to wait that long for it to arrive in Singapore.

The Vampire Academy Series is PURE LOVE! My favourite fictional book of all times! Even the book cover is so beautiful isn't it? :))

Bought it yesterday and I'm already at Chapter 5. While as for my Blue Moon, I haven't even touched it yet.

2009-08-23T14:19:00.001+08:00

PISSED AND IN A HORRIBLY BAD MOOD!

2009-08-22T21:32:00.002+08:00

When studying gets too boring, just grabbed the handphone, start cam-whoring and share all the fun.
Welcome to the psychotic world. Join the club!

SCARY SHIT! But I like.

The next potential horror movie star. :D

2009-08-21T22:45:00.003+08:00

As told by my sister, I had been sleep talking for the past few nights. The talk had something got to do with 'winning'. It must be due to my worries for A levels. With A levels nearing and the so many uncertainties looming on my GP, you can't really blame me for all the worries. I didn't even felt like this when I was talking my O levels. I honestly have to practice TONS of writing from now onwards.

Went to NUS today for the USP talk. The only reason why I wanted to go for this talk was for more information on the joint degree program. And now, I am even more certain that the JDP is what I really want. That is my dream. I had decided that I don't really have to find an aspiration right now. Be it choosing between being a geologists, a teacher or even a social worker in the future, it doesn't really matter to me right now. Just like how people always say "Live for the present!" And that is what I am going to do. I will just pursue whatever my passion lies in, whatever that will make me happy. All the aspirations, I'll leave it to fate. After all, I'm a really fickle minded person and can never settle on one.

NUS also means Mr. Photographer!!! HAHAS! :D One more reason for me to study super doubly hard. No matter what happens, I need to persevere!

Lastly, My blood promise is coming out soon! I'm so excited even though I haven't even touch Bluemoon yet.

2009-08-19T11:59:00.003+08:00

I must had been still very mad at you to dream of you last night.
What else?
You made me cried.

2009-08-18T21:41:00.002+08:00

I've got two new songs on my playlist- You'll find your way back home, Miley cyrus. And F*ck you, by Lily Allen. Even though the second song is filled with expletives, I still like it. It has an interesting tune to it and you can't deny that the lyrics are quite extra-ordinary too.

I am currently in a horribly bad mood. It all started when I went back to Art just now and for already a week, I still can't paint the hair correctly! One more month to coursework submission and I still have not touch on 4 more canvases, my Rubik's cube and my incomplete preparatory boards. I am so in deep shit! It's no wonder why I feel all horribly grouchy and all stressed up. HONESTLY, I really want to give up. I am so tired of trying already. It's not only Art! I have been putting in so much effort in my studies, yet I seem to be doing much more worse than ever. This is so demoralizing!

Please tell me/encourage me/force me/lecture me/.... to hang in there.
And please don't be like me wanting to give up so easily. People like me can't go far in life. But you have the choice and that can make a whole lot of difference. So, hang in there too.

2009-08-17T20:05:00.003+08:00

I WANT TO BE YOUR FRIEND; not another girl's substitute!!!
It hurts fucking badly coming from you!

2009-08-16T13:31:00.002+08:00

The past one week was spent too mundane from studying to even have any interesting updates. Besides the fact that I've got TONS of test this coming week, I am not going to bore my readers by describing all my studying here.

Before I end, here's my new and meaningful blog song.
Can't hear anything? Just scroll all the way to the bottom of the page and navigate the player.
Enjoys and take cares.

Where are you now, Honor Society

To my favorite teacher
told me never give up
To my fifth grade crush
Who I thought I really loved
To the guys I've missed and the girls we've kissed
Where are you now

To my ex-best friends
Don't know how we grew apart
To my favorite band
Sing along in my car
To the face I see in my memory
Where are you now

Where are you now?
Cause I'm thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am

To my first girlfriend
I thought for sure was the one
To my last girlfriend
Sorry that I screwed it up
To the ones I loved
Didn't show it enough
Where are you now

Where are you now
Cause I'm thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am

I know we'll never see those days again
And things will never be that way again
But that's just how it goes
People change but I know
I won't forget you

To the ones who came
Who we're there from the start
To the love that left
And took a piece of my heart
To the few who'd swear
They'd never go anywhere
Where are you now?

Where are you now?
Cause I'm thinking of you
You showed me how
How to live like I do
If it wasn't for you
I would never be how I am
If it wasn't for you
I would never be who I am
If it wasn't for you
I'd be nothing
Where are you now?

2009-08-10T20:25:00.003+08:00

Saw anything next to my Evermore? :))

IT'S FINALLY OUT! And in my posession. Hahas!

2009-08-09T22:15:00.005+08:00

"See the moon and the stars, look how far we have come

Look around at our faces, they shine brightly in the sun

With our hopes and dreams, imagine what tomorrow it may bring

What do you see?

What do you see?"

I watched today's NDP telecast only to hear Electrico play this song. I could just keep humming the tune of the chorus. The more I hear this song, the more I fall in love with it.
I did not went to watch the fireworks this year. Although it fails in comparison to last year, fireworks are still beautiful to me. However, I did watch G.I Joe. I agree with the critics for its lack of storyline, but you got to admit that the effects, the sound and Channing Tatum was AWESOME!

The National day drama shown this morning called "Singapore, my home" or something like that was actually quite good. Especially the touching love story between the childhood lovers. How I wish, I had a guy waiting for me for nine years! Okays, this isn't my point!

Happy Birthday Singapore!

& Happy Birthday to my sister!

2009-08-08T15:41:00.002+08:00

"Life's the greatest gift of all.

And the truth is you know that love is all we need."

2009-08-07T23:51:00.006+08:00

There were only ten of us in class today. Very typical of a school celebration. The only reason why I even bothered to come was because of Art. It was very difficult to give Art a miss after being 'lectured' the day before. Overall, I find Art very fruitful today. I am almost done with my huge canvas, so 5 more canvases and a big Rubik's cube to go!

NDP and my sister's birthday falls on this Sunday. Haven't even get a present for my sister yet. By the way, did I ever mentioned here I really love this year NDP song by Electrico. It's very different from the others. Also, I am still contemplating on whether to watch the fireworks this year. I heard there's one in the shape of a heart. I want to see!!! I am such a sucker for fireworks.

I was awarded a Borders book voucher for my PW. That means shopping for more novels! This time I am searching for classics. At the moment I am starting to grow tired of romance novels. I want Charles Dickens! He is my all time favourite author. I have been reading his books since primary school and his books are the best!

This coming Monday would be my one month away from facebook! You got to applause for my successful hard effort. So on that day, to reward myself, I decided to make an exception and return to facebook for an hour or two. That is with the condition that I finish all my homework with an additional 4 essay questions for both geography and economics. I really got to work super doubly hard.

"Send them your heart so they know that someone cares.

And their lives will be stronger and free."

2009-08-04T22:34:00.004+08:00

Some random pictures taken on Sunday.
There are still TONS of Audrey and Tiger pictures still not uploaded.
Will do it bit by bit.

Audrey is focusing on how to get the ball out of my hand.

I'm envious! She's such a beauty. :(

Oh.. And that's my handsome boy. :D

Gave school a missed today.
Spent the whole day at home sleeping and surfing the net.

Came to a conclusion that if I should stay at home any longer, I might turn into a lazy pig.

So went to school for night study.
I am so weired, right?

2009-08-03T20:32:00.014+08:00

WARNING AHEAD!

This post is strictly not for the hungry.

And for the rest, beware of the side effects.
IT WILL MAKE YOU DROOL! :))

Our invention of 'blueberries stuffed muffin'!

Once again, HONG IS SO THIN!

Height issues. No wonder wendy is sad.

Secret ingredients for the best spaghetti in town! Oh Ya! and not forgetting I have to be the cook. *AHERM!

My sister snatching my job away.

Eggs, flour, milk, cocoa powder, caster sugar and butter...

All mixed up together.

With specks of chocolates.

And lemonade strawberry flavoured icing!

At work decorating the cake boxes.

Okays, this is our 2nd batch of muffins on Saturday.

The two guinea pigs.

AND * TAa DAa*!!! CUTE RIGHT. Not only looks nice, but taste nice too. Hahas!

Drooling already? Hungry?? If not, nevermind... we are only halfway done.

Chan Chan box of muffins.

And these are all mine!!

Okays, to be honest, most of mine ended up in the bin. Because they wouldn't be fresh for my grandfather the next day. And I was too shy to give it to my neighbours. What a waste. Don't you wish it was in your stomach instead?

Check out the muffins.

This is all for Saturday Muffin baking session at my house.

Now, its my turn to bake them myself on Sunday for my grandfather birthday.

My icing sugar.

Somehow, my muffins looked like roti prata. But unlike Saturday's bluberries stuffed muffins, its van houten chocolates stuffed muffin now. And it took those chocolates to make a whole lot of difference to the taste.

Fresh from the oven. How I wish I could upload the smell up here.

My final product!! Van Houten stuffed chocolate muffins with strawberries topping!! All for my grandfather!

THATS ALL! Drooling already right! :)) Promise I'll bake it for you guys soon.

Now back to today. I had to help my parents pass a contract to someone before school today. And I ended up being late for school. Actually detention didn't really bothered my much, as school is going to end real late and it doesn't make much of a difference. It was just that it didn't feel good to be late.

I was at the traffic junction waiting for the green man to cross over to school, when Anthony asked if I want to get a MC. Surprisingly, I agreed! Then, we spotted Qiao Ying too. In the end, Qiao Ying and I went all the way to Marine Parade polyclinic and had our lunch at Swensen together with my sister (She skipped school today too.)

I gave the excuse of stomach cramps, in which I really did have- just that it wasn't so bad YET. I earned myself a 2 days MC! By the way sidetracking abit, Qiao Ying's doctor was so handsome. Guess what, the doctor is an indian, just that he doesn't look like one with the beautiful deep eyes, curly hair, so tall and fair. Alrights enough of me swooning over that doctor. I still prefer Mr. photographer and I haven't seen him since the other night. I live for every night to see if he ever returns to my dreams. Okays, tell me I'm psycho.

Back to topic!!! I ended up with a whole afternoon of terrible cramps and thankfully, I was resting at home and not in GP lesson. Haha. Like I said to my bff, maybe god was touched by my filial piety towards my parents for helping them with the contract, that he helped me. God is awesome, isn't he? So is Mr. photographer!:))

2009-08-01T21:47:00.003+08:00

CUPCAKES FURORE!
Baked cupcakes together with Wendy and hong today. It's for my grandfather birthday tomorrow and also chan chan wants to bake some for someone too. Pouring in the flour, eggs, milk and all was like some kind of chemistry experiment and we were so inexperienced. However! By the end of the day, we came up with out own recipe!!! Awesome right. The cup cakes are really yummy (I hope) and very pretty and cute, so much unlike the previous ones I had baked before. I will upload the pictures here soon.

Somehow, I dreamt of Mr. Photographer the whole of last night. I only saw him twice in my life and that was a year ago. He was oh so charming, so handsome, so beautiful..... While in reality, I don't really know who he is. All I know is that he like me love geography and whose dream is to travel all around the world exploring new things. He is someone who gives life to the photos he captures and the one who inspired the whole idea for my Art coursework.

I really wish he is my prince charming, and the one that God had chosen for me.
Sadly, I should just keep on dreaming. Because like always, I am just another girl.

2009-07-31T19:21:00.004+08:00

You got to watch the trailer for 'Captain Abu Raed' or even read the synopsis. An independent film with a very touching, unique and inspiring film plot, extremely different from the usual film out there. It won 15 awards. Somewhat reminds me of Slumdog millionaire, but there are no fighting, no conflicts and all. Something peaceful and more like a story of someone inspiring the life of others in Jordon. The sad thing- I doubt it's going be played in Singapore, there is no current release date set. So, hopefully there's the DVD somewhere out there.

http://www.apple.com/trailers/independent/captainaburaed/

You don't have to spill out anything to me, I know whats going on.

2009-07-30T23:20:00.002+08:00

ART! That is whats bothering me.

Three very simple reasons-

ONE- My ideas sucks.

TWO- My drawings sucks.

THREE- They really do suck big time.

Let me ask you something, what is not art? ~Author Unknown

2009-07-29T21:46:00.005+08:00

Since I deactivated my facebook, I am back to sharing photos in my blog.
Here are some pictures taken during the racial harmony celebrations a week ago-

Doesn't wendy reminds you of "The little Nonya".

2009-07-27T22:17:00.002+08:00

Some very kind and helpful lady found my handphone on the bus and returned it to me today! Plenty of thanks to her! And sincerly from my heart-Thank You Lord!!
Also plenty of thanks to my good friends Sabrina, Darwina........ for helping me out over the lost phone.

Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you!!!!! :D
From now, I am going to safeguard all my stuffs with my life.

P.s You guys could continue to contact me at my old number from 11pm onwards. :))

2009-07-26T21:31:00.004+08:00

Liverpool thrashed Singapore 5-0!
I am never a fan of Liverpool. Somehow, I was hoping that Singapore could at least score one goal to save themselves a little face. Okays, maybe 'a little' is an overstatement.

But HONESTLY, the 5-0 was kinda expected wasn't it?

2009-07-25T22:19:00.003+08:00

First my Ipod touch, now my HTC diamond. What am I going to lose next?
So, please don't contact me at my handphone number, because I had my line stopped. And IF you had and miraculously someone picked up (or even sms-ing)-IT ISN'T ME!!!
Okays, I have been listening way too much ghost stories from my classmates. Somehow I just love to scare the shit out of me.

Anyways, school has been the same. Just that this isn't my week. Not only had I been down on my luck, but also extremley blur. Like on friday, I packed my Art file for economics class! Honestly have no idea what am I thinking.

Now for my bookwormy moment. I bought a new book from the airport. It's called Love Letters by Katie Forde; one of the sunday times top ten bestseller. Also, I am currently reading Rachel Gibson's 'the trouble with Valentines day'.

My results weren't as bad as I had expected, considering the fact that I did not study. Unless you would consider 'the day before rushing to squeeze everything into my head' studying. Well, even if it isn't bad, it is still not up to my standard and I know I need more than that. Anyways, I am still going to fail my GP and Art overall. But I am definitely bucking up right now!

And one last thing! I resisted the irresistably tempting Facebook for more than a week already! Somehow the temptation is starting to wear off and that's good news!

Okays, I will end here now with a short poem.

Will you love me in December as you do in May,

Will you love me in the good old fashioned way?

When my hair has all turned gray,

Will you kiss me then and say,

That you love me in December as you do in May?

~James J. Walker

2009-07-22T21:20:00.003+08:00

I was researching on sunflower's symbolism when I chance upon this inspirational fable by the 'Nuclear Age Peace Foundation'. It is titled 'message of the sunflower, a magic symbol of peace'.

READ IT!! :))
http://www.wagingpeace.org/articles/2002/03/00_moore_sunflowers.htm

Enjoys.

2009-07-19T19:19:00.002+08:00

Still have a thousand and one home works not finished. No matter how hard I try to complete, the pile just stays the same. I spent my weekend 'running' up and down Far East for my bag. Thankfully they allowed me to change the bag, otherwise I would have to stick to the previous pink bag I chose. The first time I buy something without thinking, it made me regret so badly. But there's a problem with the new bag too! Somehow I think it's the same bag as Muneera. I should have just bought that red revoltage bag that caught my eye and everything would be just fine. Oh never mind, life just doesn't go the way everyone wants it to. Especially not mine.

I was at Changi Airport last night watching my parents install the national day banner up onto the walls. The design and colour were surprisingly aesthetically beautiful. If you happen to see the four children on the banner, the chinese boy is my cousin. Valerie was suppose to be up there, but her face got rejected. Hahas! While the designer wanted Kimberley, she didn't want it.
Okays, that info was random. I'm going off to do my Art homework. Ciao!

2009-07-16T20:34:00.002+08:00

I am trying very hard to resist the temptation to log into facebook. But a promise is a promise and I must not disappoint myself! :)

I spent these two days studying very hard. Stayed back with Munirah and revised 'the theory of demand and supply'. It was refreshing to revised year 1 work. Along the way we also talked on love, relationships....... Okays, today stayed back to do my art. I only manage to paint a small part of my uniform. And I screwed up my Prelim 1 Art exam. One of these days when I am courageous enough, I am going to admit to my parents I did very badly this time because I didn't study, lest they get a heart attack when they see my results.

For now, I am going to reward myself by reading my book. Ciao!

2009-07-14T21:05:00.003+08:00

I'm only nineteen and I'm already scheduled for the 3rd surgery of my life.

Went to dentist today and I came back with a good and a bad news. The good news is I am done with my entire 'braces' treatment. While the bad news is, I have a date with the surgeon on 7 December to remove my 4 wisdom tooth. I wanted to get it over and done with, but I needed a period of time to be mentally prepared and I can't afford an 8 days MC now with my Art coursework dateline is so near. Also, how could I remove all my wisdom before A level. Hahas.

After the last surgery, I could never go into the theatre after knowing full well how terribly painful the experience is going to be and that was just one normal tooth. Now it is 4 wisdom tooth. So thankfully this time, I'm going to be 'sleeping' while they operate on me.

Okays, I've got another bad news- I failed my General Paper Essay. Awesome right! More of that type of news to come soon. Well, at least I am putting in damn lots of effort to buck up now! I just want to be very serious with my studies and everything else can be put on hold. I deactivated my facebook account already and hopefully I can resist the temptation to reactive it. So no more procrastinations and no more distractions! Just pure studying all the way. :))

2009-07-13T20:01:00.002+08:00

The consolidated time table totally sucks big time. Not only are lessons so long and breaks so short, school finishes darn late! How am I suppose to find time for Art after school and the due date is only 2 months more away. By the time I reach home I'm too dead to even have any energy left to study and worst still Prelim 2 is just 8 more weeks away. I am seriously starting to hate going to school more these days!

2009-07-11T13:10:00.004+08:00

Before I change my Fall Out boys music playlist off my blog, just wondering if you guys ever notice this verse from the song 'What a catch, donnie". It is the slow song in this play list.
It says-

'They say the captain goes down with the ship,

so when the world ends,

will God go down with it.'

hmmmmm........................Food for thought! :))

2009-07-10T22:12:00.007+08:00

'New Moon' is released in the US already and I want it so badly. I waited months for it and god knows when Singapore will have any stocks. I will just have to order it online along with my Vampire Academy 4 'Blood Promise'. That is one book, I got to have right on its release date next month!

Now~ UPDATES!!

I bought my fall out boy 'folie a deux' album last friday already!

My prelim 1 exams finished yesterday with a blast! I said with a blast because it was such a killer paper. Geography Human paper would still be a killer even if I were to spent my entire June Holidays studying for it. I was bullshitting my way through the whole paper. I don't understand any of the questions and I honestly don't know the answers at all. So unless I pass my physical paper very well, I'm assuming it's a guaranteed fail grade for me.
Awesome isn't it. My prelims is screwed and I am going to be screwed when meet the parents session comes.

I watched TRANSFORMERS again! I can never get enough of all the visual and sound effects. I won't promise that this will be the last time I am going to watch it. :))

I finally bought a proper pair of shoes for myself. My last pair were destroyed by Tiger and I have been living off my slippers since then.

And as promised before my exams, I went books shopping at Borders after the movie.
I've added 'the trouble with valentine's day', 'The one that got away', 'Leopard Rock', 'Hex and the Single girl', 'I'm in no mood for love', 'Testing Kate', 'Decent Exposure' and 'Italian for Beginners' all to my collection.

These 8 books are all 'A little black dress Book'. That is the publisher for these girly romance novels. There are more than a hundred of these books out there and I am going to start collecting as much of them as possible. After all I am one girl who loves to read on idealistic romance with happily ever after endings. It is an assurance to me that true love exists, somehow.

2009-07-09T23:49:00.003+08:00

I was reading the newspaper this afternoon and when I saw the article on MJ memorial service, the emotions inside me started stirring. I had never experienced losing someone important to me before and it took me this long to accept that he was really gone. I can't help but start crying. Not only was he a part of my childhood, but also a role model. And I'm sure he was in everyone else's life too.

This whole thing made me realised that life is really very fragile, anything could happen anytime. I can't always take for granted that there will always be a tomorrow. I cannot take for granted of the presence of important people in my life. I have to cherish, treasure and love them. No one knows what the future may bring, but we can live for the present. From today onwards,I am going to start LIVING life and not take it or anyone else presence for granted anymore.

As for MJ, he will always be remembered in my heart.

2009-07-03T22:42:00.024+08:00

Who are you that my heart will do the little flips and flops.
What are you that could bring a big smile onto my face with just anything you do.
Why am I laughing retardedly to thin air just thinking about you?
When you made me angry,
I would never think twice of forgiving you.
Who are you that I long so much to be in your arms.
What are you that I would give my chances to be hurt.
Why do I trust you wouldn't.
When did I start believing-
Maybe you are the one I've been looking for.
Who are you that I need to see every night in my dreams.
What are you that could make this list go on and on.
Why do I believe that maybe the impossible can be possible.
When did I start choosing-
To listen to my heart.
How did you make me fall so truly, madly, deeply in love with you;

But yet not knowing so .

Dear heavenly father,

I will be a good girl and keep my promise I made 2 years ago till it ends on

23rd November. After that day, could you promise me that you would help me?

I want to have the courage to love without reservations.

Please promise me.

For the rest of you, happy guessing who.

I'm done with my confession. Ciao! :))