Dear Readers,
Finally I am back to posting once again, after a bout of "emo-ism". Had some people talking some sense into me. Well, after some time of talking to myself, understanding of more that is happening around me, made me realise many things. There is no definition of what is true love, yet I realise what is the meaning of true love, my understanding and my meaning.
Before I start on my topics today, I will give a brief account of what had happened during the Shanghai trip. The shanghai trip was incredibly fun, and besides all those fun we enjoyed, we gain many knowledge. It was also a character development trip for us. To learn how to be independent, to give care and concern of people around you. . .
Upon reaching shanghai, I missed home alot. To me, shanghai is just a replica of Singapore, yet I cant go home. I see familiar commercial buildings, our own sub-orbdinate court, and the most scariest was our memorial at city hall! Haha. How can I not miss home. I love the huang pu river ride and hated the university. Had fun cam-whoring. Everynight, we would stay up to the wee hours chatting and playing away, and even once we bunk into each other room due to fearness of what supposedly some had saw. The weather was cooling there even though its summer. In the night, it was so breezy that makes us cold. Had serious fun shopping there. Even had someone calling me a maid after I so graciously help scoop everyone bowls of rice. Oh well, whatever~ By the well, please dont be such an obscene object infront of the girls! Since no one tells you this I shall be a very nice person and tell you. ITS DISGUSTING!
I made many new friends and also had fun bonding with the teachers and Alan. Everyone is just so nice! Thanks hooda, shikin, suhaimi and Gillanne for being there for me, when I am having problems with my room mate. Somehow, Gillanne taught me what are true friends. "True friends are people who stand by your side always no matter what happens." Now, I realise, how little true friends I have. I treasure every single friendship I have and treasure even more of the friendship I have with true friends. To me, I rather have only 1 true friends than to have a bunch of friends. Cause friends betrays one another, they backstabbed one another, they can never be true and the blame things onto one another. I got to accept it this is life!
Well, obvious to that, I was backstab by someone, or who noes, who else might still be backstabbing me from behind. Call me childish if you like, I will be happy, cause I am young at heart. Go ahead and spread your stories for all I care, scold me, blame me for what ever you want! I read one of my friend's nickname and I finally understand something. "By scolding and balming someone for what you/they have done, you are losing a chance to improve yourself." Thanks for improving me! Seriously from my heart, whether you believe it or not, I graciously accept and appreciate it. It only pains me seeing that you have yet to continue to move on, and you just love living in the past so much. As a friend, I am here saying to you, time waits for no one; the world does not revolves around you.
Continue to spread you stories if want, continue to spread you innocence for all I care, I JUST DONT GIVE IT A DAMN! In fact, I want to thank you for attracting my attention so much! X) Oh well, I really got to disappoint you here, I am a very busy person, dont really have much time for these attractiveness and popularism. Thanks anyway for using up your precious time on me.
Go ahead and verbal abuse at me, for a crude person, will always have a crude mouth. With a crude mouth will only comes out :"*&*^&%$^#%#$!#!#!". Non-sensical things, rubbish. Heaven has eyes my dear, what goes around comes around. Drive me to my grave if you must, call me dead if you must. Why are you trying to get rid of me? Afraid of something? Haha! I dont know, thats just some random question I am giving. (:
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I never did believe in myself, never trusted myself much less have any confidence in myself. All I had was just to smile and make the world happy. Have I ever made myself happy? I cant love myself yet, how can I ever love someone else. Yes, its true, I am not going to say that you are wrong, why dont look in a different perspective. When there is someone to believe in you, when theres someone to be there for you, when lonliness no longer begets you, wont you start loving yourself? Wont you love your life much more?
Dreams, love and happiness, once upon a time, I though they could exists together. Yes, they can it just needs perfect coordination. But, no one is perfect. I realise why aint I as happy in Secondary school. I lost my first love, that is music. I got my 2nd love, yet I have to give up my first love. If there was any reason why I want to tranfer out MI, that is because of music. I really regretted appealing into MI. Not only because of music, I am suffering. Haha! I admit I am suffering under you hands, arent you happy? But, sad to disappoint you, Grace isnt this weak. But, I am happy, you made me realise who are truely a friend towards me, and who isnt. I finally saw, the true colours of everyone behind their masks.
Humiliated I was, but I did not hide behind my shadows. Lonely I am, but I am searching for life. Sad I am, but at least I search for happiness. I find a reason to smile. Why? Cause I realise, I dont have to be strong. I am a strong girl already. Its only whether I want to believe in myself . Believe in whatever I do. Believe in what I believe in. Believe that everything happening today, shapes me into a better person tomorrow. Accepting my fate. Leaving memories in the past, and let past just be past. I see each tomorrow, as a new beginning, a beginning of proving myself why I should be living in this world. Why I was given this chance, why am I standing here today? Everyone lives for a purpose.
What about you? What have you learnt? If life is simple, it will be boring.
