Before you, my life was like a moonless night.
Very dark, but there were stars — points of light and reason.
And then you shot across my sky like a meteor.
Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty.
When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black.
Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light.
I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.
- Edward Cullen to Bella.
Profile.
♥GRACE 03 02 1990
Posting.
Monday, December 31, 2007, 9:17:00 PM
a new year; a new beginning; new challenges awaiting me.
UPDATES Just came back from the countdown. It was totally madness! There were so many indians and what so ever kind of people squeezing and I don't know how many times I have been touched. Whether it was intentionally or unintentionally, damn you! ( please pardon me.) The fireworks was beautiful as always, and I got plenty of pictures, shall post it up tomorrow. This year I manage to catch it on the bridge with perfect view, but this comes with all the squeezing and pushing. After the fireworks, everyone was so in the rush to go home. We got stuck halfway, so my uncle decided to just enter one of the lounge in fullerton hotel and we sit there to rest and drink. When it got better we went home. On 25 dec 2007, I had my arm dislocated. On 1 jan 2008, I am officially having a fever. Know what, of all times my fever have to come on 1st jan! I can't afford to be sick. Maybe the year 2008 is a year where I will be bound by illness. Its terrible to have a fever and with my legs having cramps. You know right now, I just wish there is someone here taking care of me and being worried for me. HAPPY NEW YEAR to all my darlings out there!
2007 is coming to an end and tomorrow will be the 1st day of 2008. My new year wishes comes early this year, thats because I am going for the countdown and to see all the fireworks, though my body is in poor health now. Thats pretty sad cause I can't afford to be sick.
The year 2007 brought me many blessings- academic, family, religious, friends... There are also disasters that happened to me- mostly in love and with my classmates. And with today being the last day of 2007, I am proud to see that these disasters were blessings in disguise. To end this year happily and that is of course not pretending that I am, is a blessing. The sad thing is school is starting in one day time and I haven't even touch my chinese homework. Fantastic isn't. Oh well, enough of school, speaking of it scares me.
Before I start with my new year resolution, I would love to thank someone( you know who you are) for setting aside a wish for me. I really appreciate it and thank you so much.
The most important thing that is happening in the new year is that it means, my H1 A levels are arriving. I will study very hard for my subjects and make your this wish come true. (:
I don't really know what I want to wish for and what I wish for may not be exactly be what I want. I do of course wish my prince charming will plan his arrival in 2008, yet I can't just break my promise to myself. The promise I made was- I will not enter a relationship till I finish my A levels lest I won't do well for my exams. This is extremely true because the only thing I cannot manage time with is -love. But lets just leave nature to its wonders. Things like that simply just can't be controlled.
I am really bad at making new year resolutions as you can see, I don't even know if its like this.
The new year will be my new beginning, with all my past be just memories and I definitely won't live my new beginning with any more regrets.
I want to live my life happily and hopefully I don't have to pretend to be happy. I want my once upon cheerful and bubbly me back again.
I want to understand God better and strengthen my faith towards him.
"I pray to you father, that you will bless everyone around me, make them happy, fill their new year with blessings and may their wishes come true. Amen."
ANDmay you be bless with good health so that all the nagging and scolding will stop and of course with many more years to live on so that it can shut you up from saying about how you are going to die early; just who on earth can predict their own live? Zzzz. May you be happy and may you find your Cinderella soon. Oh ya! You have to love my present and pardon me for my poor chinese, cause you help in it too! HAHAS!
Happy new year everyone, and god bless you.
Sunday, December 30, 2007, 10:32:00 PM
Just what on earth is love?
Dear darlings,
I am suddenly inspired to write another lovey dovey post. It is not because I am in love or what so ever, but its because of what I have been seeing these past few weeks or even months, and these things just spurs the feelings and emotions inside me, and it got my head thinking all over again- just what on earth is love?
"Love is a just a word till someone gives a meaning to it". Yes this is absolutely correct, and this may be the precise reason that love is simply a word to me right now, that I am having trouble understanding it( that is till my prince charming comes along).
Sometimes I am just glad of being single, cause being in love makes people look silly. Yet, I miss being in love because theres always someone there for me to fight with over practically nothing at all, of course this is just one of the silly reasons!
I believe in unconditional love, I believe most of us do, but how many people out there actually practice it and not just believing. Unconditional love is all about sacrificing for one another, its about giving and NOT taking/demanding. Human by nature they are selfish, thats why there will come a point where you will just stop and think:" Why am I the only one giving? Why should I give when my other half is not doing his/her part at all?" and all kind of selfish one-sided thoughts.
And when we start having such thoughts, trouble comes. It is simply because our trust for the other half falls. Then all the quarrel and fights will all come in. WHY? It is because you gave in to your thinking, your mind and you stop listening to your heart!
To me love is all about listening to your heart, following your heart and not your brain! That's because love starts from the heart and not your brain! So just chuck you whatever thinking(be it right or wrong) aside and listen to heart. There is NO right or wrong in love, because Love is a feeling.
"Never question yourself whether you are in love or not, because if you were you wouldn't even need to ask." I read this phrase from somewhere, and I do agree with it. I can't explain why, but this phrase is kind of true isn't it.
Jealousy in a relationship is common, who doesn't get jealous? But being too much is absurb! And what triggers jealously? It is once again your trust towards ur other half.
I dragged this post for too long till I don't know what else to write, but I shal end it with my perception in love.
To me love is all about unconditional giving, trust, understanding, faithfulness, sacrifices, honesty(damn, I hate liars, but a white lie is ok), being there for one another, quarreling and laughing at each other silliness, tears, happiness, acknowledging, being proud of my other half, treasuring and cherishing each other, AND most importantly telling the world how much I love him.
I miss my curls
Dear darlings,
Hows my new blog skin? I love it cause its yellow in colour which is currently my no.1 favourite colour and also theres a sunflower picture, my forever favourite flower and also the picture of the bottom half body of a lady is kind of unique and artistic. The only one thing I don't like about this blog is, its navigations.
Did I ever mentioned how much I love the song being played. Its very old school, but I heard it from young and I love sentimental music. So you must be thinking I am being all emo right now aye. If your are?too bad you're wrong.If you aren't? My bad.
It's turning out just another day I took a shower and I went on my way I stopped there as usualhad a coffee and pie when i turned to leave i couldn't believe my eyes standing there i didn't know what to say without one touch we stood there face to face
Chorus(And) i was dying indside to hold you i couldn't believe what i felt for you dying inside i was dying inside but i couldn't bring myself to touch you
you said hello then u asked my name i didn't know if i should go all the way inside i felt my life have really changed i knew that it would never be the same standing there i didn't know what to say first time looked away when i whispered your name
Chorus 2x
one hello changed my life i didn't believe in love at first sight but you've shown me what is life and I now i know my love (i know it's coming right)
Awesome lyrics right!
I got a new haircut today, and I am so missing my curls badly right now. This is the first time I every regretted cutting my hair, I guess its because its also the first time after so long that I went to another salon besides Jean Yip. I was supposed to go there, but the queue is so long! I should have waited for another time to get my haircut. I am so going to Jean Yip to cut my hair next time.
I forgot to mention in yesterday that, I sort off witness an accident right in front of our school today. It was kind of scary, and its the second accident that I have witness this year and both are also related to bikes. Thankfully, in both of the accidents the bikers escaped with minor injuries only. To all the bikers out there, please ride with caution.
My father another brother family just arrived in Singapore today. Hais, I am so going to be busy again. Can't they come at the same time. I am still missing my the other cousins, maybe they are younger so it makes than more lovable and adorable than the cousins which are in my house right now.
Year 2007 is about to end and a new year is about to begin. I wonder whats more new year resolution is going to be. hmmm........
Friday, December 28, 2007, 11:37:00 PM
Dear darlings,
The SC meeting today was super long, with plenty of packing and briefing. Went out with Darwina after that to buy her shoes. When I went home....
I removed the bandage on my arm, still I am scared to look at my own arm. Whenever I look at it, it seems like I could see a bone sticking out like the time where I dislocated my arm. My right arm seems strained, guess its because of the heavy load of work I did today. I still cant bend my hand inwards, it hurts alot. Hopefully I am able to tie my own hair soon and I will overcome the fear within me.
I have plenty of stuffs to do, so a early goodbye!
Thursday, December 27, 2007, 10:33:00 PM
Dear darlings,
I am feeling so #@%$%$&* inside. I don't even know why myself. Maybe today is just one of the so called bad days I am experiencing.
I have so much to speak, yet words just can't express what I am feeling right now. I am feeling terrible. Today, my house was so noisy, due to the endless quarelling of my sisters. I wasn't in the fight, but as an elder sister I had to shut their mouth and I sort of became a bad guy. They don't really understand don't they.
There's so many things in my life I want to change. After seeing my 2 cousins both brother and sister, they are so loving towards each other, of course they do fight, but it is sort of the playing kind. I wish my sisters were like this. I wish they are understanding, caring, compassionate and everything nice and sweet. It is tiring to have 3 younger sisters and me being the eldest. I hate being the eldest sister, I didn't even wanted it this way, who would want themselves to be placed into torture. It hurts to be the eldest, its tiring. I have to be the best in everything; I have to be literally grace-- elegance of beauty of form, manner, motion or action. This is just one meaning from the dictionary. An imperfection from me will cause grace to be falling downwards. A beautiful name, beautiful meanings, yet what lies ahead is a life with no joy.
Sometimes I really hate this role I have to play throughout my life. I kept thinking, if I were never given this role, what would life be right now. Would it be happier or worst? I sometimes do think what if I have a brother? Would life be better?
I always says I want to become a geographer, but inside of me, I feel that I could never become that. Its like ''I will not be able to live long enough, so stop thinking about what you want to be in the future'' kind of thought. Maybe it is just some stupid thinking that has been implanted in my brain.
There is so much more I want to type; to express myself, my sadness. I doubt anyone would even be interested in such mudane post. It's my life anyway, not yours.
I don't hate my life, but am seriously tired of it
Wednesday, December 26, 2007, 2:17:00 AM
Dear darlings,
It is a few hours past christmas but it is never too late to say a belated Merry Christmas to you. This christmas will definitely be my most unforgettable one and I got to say it is also one of the best christmas.
In the morning, everything started out fine and I was about to go to church and meet my friends. BUT! 'Supposedly', Mr. Santa Claus must have did something to my toilet floor, it made me slipped and my elbow hit the wall behind me. When this whole slipping and hiting was done, I had a dislocated arm from Santa for my christmas present.
I declare 25 dec 2007 the first time that I ever dislocated my arm. It is awfully pain and you can see the bone sticking out of the elbow, abit only la. Then my parents brought me to the chinese doctor to get my arm 'fixed back.' Then they kept scaring me with how scary the process is, from the twisting of the arm to the cracked sound you can hear. It totally scare me.
But, apparently, my doctor was nice and it didn't really hurt at all. I guess its also becaue my arm was only partially dislocated. Thank God for the blessing in disguise.
Well, now my elbow is bandage up. After seeing the doctor, brought my uncle family to eat Satay Beehoon. Then we went to do some sightseeing at esplanade and eventually ended up at Marina Square before heading back home for a rest.
In the night we went to Tiong Bahru Market to have out dinner. The food there are always very very YUMMY! After dinner we went down to Clark Quay to jalan jalan. Its my first time there seeing the new and revamp clark quay. We were all fascinated by bungee jumping. Then we saw a belly dancing performance. Then ended up at The Central. Had Hokkaido Green Tea Ice Cream there, don't know whats the difference between it and a normal ice cream. But it was awesome, I guess its because I love Green tea flavoured ice cream thats why.
Then we had some mini donuts, but I don't really favour donuts unless I have the cravings for it. I took plenty of pictures of scenery, my cousins today. Shall post it up at the end of this post. My another uncle gave me a cream coloured watch for Christmas present. Totally love it and whats more my watch was broken not long ago.
I guess its because my cousins are here in Singapore, thats why its spices my christmas up. There are really fun to play with and it makes me remember of the times when I was young. My cousins and I age gap is a big difference, yet we can click so well. Sometimes I wish I was younger and I really want to stop growing older.
I got plenty of things to type, but I am very very tired to continue. Shall continue tomorrow. By the way, the english used in this blog entry is terrible, due to my lethargy, pardon me.
But I shall post up some of the pictures before I go.
The brother so evil, bully the sister.
Ain't she cute.
Monday, December 24, 2007, 11:21:00 AM
Dear darlings,
I am so TIRED! Spent the whole of yesterday again, out. Have to wake up early in the morning despite only sleeping ar 3am. Went to Changi Aiport Terminal 3 to walk around before waiting for my another uncle and his family to meet up with us for lunch.
Had lunch at Dian Xiao Er, and I saw Mr. Ong Peng Guan there! My secondary school chinese teacher, so coincidental. These few days kept bumping into people from my secondary school. After Lunch we went to Vivo City. It was very very crowded. Went to get for myself christmas presents. Hahas!
I bought 2 shirt. After we finished shopping was already 6pm. Went to Newpark hotel for buffet dinner. Ate plenty of sashimi and sushi. Yesterday was also my aunty birthday, so we bought a mango cake for her.
The birthday cake is very unusual isnt it, unlike those you see outside.
Aunty Herriet the birthday girl and Simone my cousin.
Its simone again. Pardon me for putting up none of my pictures. Hehes. I was having my nose allergy yesterday, so didn't take any pictures of myself.
Well the night didn't just end there. After dinner we went home, but I was still entertaining my 2 cousins. We played till late at night before sleeping.
As for today, I am taking a half day off as a 'tour guide'. Otherwise I will be so tired la, still got tomorrow and maybe boxing day ley! But they are off to Orchard Road already and I might be joining them there later on. Im off to play games now. Bye!
Sunday, December 23, 2007, 12:49:00 AM
Dear darlings,
These 2 days were very busy for me. Yesterday was mostly spent on finishing the painting of the house. Spent half the night trying to install 'grandchase', yet still cannot. As for today, I didn't go to church, cause my uncle, aunty and 2 little cousins came down from Singapore and is staying at our house and I shall be their gracious host and entertainer.
I was really anticipating to go to church today, to fellowship with my cell group members, so I am quite disappointed. And a part of me wants my christmas presents too! Hahas. Anyways, went to Tommy Rogers for dinner. SUPER FULL! I should have snapped some pictures of the food! We ordered too much, even though it was shared among the 10 of us. I had potato onion soup, calamari, onion rings, baked potato, ceaser salad and of course when you tommy rogers you have to eat their pork rib! My daddy ordered 3 sets of pork rib with different flavour. Zzzz. Wonder how much weight I have gained just for the meal tonight.
After the meal, we went to shop around suntec, and when we were going back, I saw Chia Sin and Jia Wen, they look the same. So coincidental.
Well, though it was very late, but the day still didn't end there. The night was still young so we went to my another uncle house. Too bad david was sleeping, or I could play with him, but I still have another 2 naughty and playful cousins.
I just realised today, my uncle house is the best place to watch stars. His house is on the nine storey and he has a roof garden. The moon there is so clear and the stars are aplenty there. Even if there is no stars, you can see the many planes lineing up to land into changi airport. The scenery is awesome! I love their playground the most! LOLS. Hey, I am young at heart okays! Hahas. But their playground is so unique and it is not like the usual ones you see anywhere else.
I shall be very busy till they leave Singapore. Tomorrow itenary is like, snow city, go themepark, go changi airport terminal 3 and many many more. Hais! I am going to be so tired. Somemore I got 3 more orientation card design that have yet to finish. Nevermind! Everything will be just fine! Hehes. OKays, thats all for today. bye!
Thursday, December 20, 2007, 9:49:00 PM
Dear darlings,
I did log cake baking today, of course together with the help of my families.
Here are some of the pictures:
Well, I took these pictures before the christmas decorations were up, therefore it may not be that appealing. I forgotten to take pictures of the end product, but it was totally awesome and beautiful, with forest mushrooms, deers, flowers and leaves, a christmas tree and not forgetting the 'merry christmas' wordings! I am so proud of it and our efforts were appluadable! Hey, it isn't that easy to bake a log cake okays, basically because you have to make the log cake look like a log, and not any normal circular or rectangular cake. The process is also very very TIRING!
Then in the evening, my parents sent me to Ron's house to meet up for the celebration with my cell group. There was so many food, but I only had a little, but it was YUMMY! Hahas! Stayed there till around 7.30pm before to let my mum pick me back home, for I don't know my way home from there. Before I left we had gift exchange. My 2 sisters got a cup and a towel, and as for me............................
Say hellos to Moo Moo!!!! Hahas! I just have a habit of calling cows moo moo. LOLS! But this cow is so cute. Hehes. Thank you so much from whoever it is from!
I am so tired, for the past 2 nights I have been sleeping very little and my headaches are worst. I am off the have a early sleep tonight. Goodnights! Takecares, and sweetdreams. (:
Wednesday, December 19, 2007, 10:30:00 PM
UPDATES! Somebody was complaining why I never thank him for accompanying me the whole night while I was doing my clan card. Aiya, forget ma! Remember I only had few hours of sleep! Hahas. So now, I shall sincerely thank him. Thank you Sheng De for helping me out with my art work, giving me ideas, and also stayed up the whole night to help me. Its appreciated! (:
Somebody happy le. Hehes. BYEBYE!
Dear darlings,
I am having a terrible headache right now. I guess it is due to the very little sleep I had. Went for student council meeting in school today for trying out on the 'family game', which is almost the same as treasure hunt, just that the treasures are slips of papers that reflects the game group(FRUITS).
It is an interesting game but very TIRING!
Once again because my life is mudane I have nothing to post up. And, nothing inspiring happened to me, for me to inspire you people.
Oh yes! I almost forget to post on my best christmas present this year! I have been awarded the CDC & CCC good progress award, whatever the cdc and ccc stands for. I can get a $200 voucher. Wohoo! My academic achievement this year is one of the best of all the years I have studied. With also the edusave merit bursary and improvement in mathemathics on my sleeves! Somehow, all these makes me want to bury myself in my books again. Hahas!
Tomorrow will be a busy day. I have to bake a log cake in the morning, with my dad and sis help of course, finish the painting of the house and meet up with the cell group for christmas celebration.
Hopefully the log cake goes well. Ciao!
Monday, December 17, 2007, 10:46:00 PM
Dear darlings,
Today was spent with me continuing on the painting of the house, there are still more to go. Then the rest of the time was spent on nothing useful, but I learnt more about christ today. It all started with John 1:1, then ended with the book of revelations and judgement day.
Just watched two videos by Dane cook that is amazingly funny, interesting and true. It doesn't take up much of your time. By the way, thanks to Fathi for sharing this video with me! It really did made me laugh. (:
This first video is about how a relationship quarrel start, escalates, and ends. What a man and a woman want from the fight and why 99.9% of all fights always ends up with the woman winning.
& this 2nd video shows about a religious quarrel between a atheist and a catholic(him).
Dear darlings,
Spent the whole day re-painting the house, it is fun but tiring at the same time too. Ordered pastamania for dinner. It is quite surprising as I don't fancy pastamania, thanks to the horrible food I ate before on my first visit there.
Few hours back, I found out something. Thanks for those who were concerned and thanks for your comfort. It made me realised, my foolishness. I thank god for making me realise it, for I will be still stuck in my foolishness till today. I have seen Hoang true colours, and it is indeed shocking. It is so unbelivable. I didn't know he needs more than 8 months to realise he made the wrong. He needs more than 8 months to realise he used me, for what? I don't know. He needs more than 8 months to realise that I wasn't the one for him. You know what, thats simply rubbish to me. It is simply excuses to cover up the 8 mths of effort he put in place just to realise all this.
I won't shed a tear for a guy worst than a beast. He isn't worth my love at all. His lies, his actions, his stupidity, his character, everything that had happened, just makes me stronger than before. I thank you for that. But still a leopard will never change its spots won't it. I thought you changed to a better person but I was wrong. But, its your life, not mine. The one who will be suffering next time is you, not me.
I can't deny that I am angry, I can't deny that after finding out all his rubbish I don't feel hurt at all. I feel pity for all my efforts put into every single relationship. I feel sorry for gary- because of hoang, everything changed, didn't it.
There is this beautiful red book that I handmade and decorate everything by myself that I pity the most. It is a book of my efforts, i love that book so much, but I doubt I could ever see it again.
I really hated that day when I gave him a 2nd chance. I really hated him for coming back to me after we broke up, I hate myself for giving him a chance again! All that you are telling Jamie now, was all that I heard from you last time. If only I had let go the first time, if only I hadn't decide to meet you again, my life would have been perfect. I can't believe a guy who went through the trouble of begging me for a 2nd chance said all these.
I shall just forget it! It is wasting my braincells and shortening my life just by getting angry with this stuff. I shall take it that all my efforts and sacrifices was given to a nobody. By the end of this post, I shall forget every single thing that had ever happened. I shall be happy once again, living my life carefree-ly.
At least knowing all these stuffs finally put an end to my past. Finally I can bury my past, my regrets, and most importantly, getting back "myself" which I had lost for a long time.
Finally, I could write out my past for people to read. Though not every detail is there, but at least it is not kept in my heart anymore. I will move on. Qiaoying asked me if I still believe in love? My answer is yes.
Love is the greatest thing in the world, and it will always exists in every single one of us without fail.
I took 1 hour to type this post, sorry for making you all read such a boring long post. I just feel that typing out my feelings makes me feel better and I will forgot everything that I had typed out here. I am serious! My mind is a blank right now, and I feel very very happy and my heart feels light. I guess this heavy burden of mine has been buried far far away. Hahas.
I am so happy that I want to share my prayer with everyone!
Thank you god for releasing my burden and giving me strength these past months. You never forsake me in times of need. You were always there for me. Today, 17 december, I am a cheerful girl again. I am very very happy. This is indeed a blessing in disguise. Even though after all these that had happened, I guess I will still forgive him, not because I want to. But, because you taught me to. I will always remember the greatest commandement of all and the next commandment closest to it. I will always remember the phrase" love your enemies as your friends." With love, comes peace. With peace there is smiles on every single person faces! Thank you father for every single thing.
In the name of jesus I pray, Amen.
Saturday, December 15, 2007, 10:47:00 PM
Dear darlings,
I went to church today and brought Kimberley along with me. We played monopoly and I only owned one house. Left service early for some housewarming. Today, I did a great job in cleaning up my room! Now, my room is neat and tidy! Hehes. Tomorrow, we will be painting the facades of the house. I want to paint my room in yellow! Hahas.
I will be baking a log cake with my sisters and some church friends for the christmas party next thursday! Hehes. Its not my first time baking a cake, but it is my first time baking a log cake. But no worries, it will not only be edible but YUMMY! My cooking never fails me, so thank god for that!
Today, I learnt something in church, and surprisingly it was a blind girl, younger than me, who taught me/us this. In her testimony, she said:" everyone has a special gift from god, but we should'nt be proud of our gift, but be proud of the one who gave it to us." For without him, our gifts will not exists at all. Though she is blind, she plays the piano and sings incredibly beautiful. Thats the gift to her from god.
Haven't been to church for a really long time, and quite surprise people still recognise me and even knows my name. I even forgotten some of theirs. =X I feel very happy today and my heart feels very peaceful! Hehes.
I changed my blog song to a more livelier song. The song title is my only wish this year by Britney Spears. Well, at least to me, this song is not like the usual christmas songs we always hear and I took pains searching for a new song. This is the new song I have searched, so enjoys!
Last night I took a walk in the snow. Couples holding hands, places to go Seems like everyone but me is in love.
Santa can you hear me I signed my letter that I sealed with a kiss I sent it off It just said this I know exactly what I want this year. Santa can you hear me. I want my baby (baby, yeah) I want someone to love me someone to hold me. Maybe (maybe, maybe maybe.) he'll be all my own in a big red bow
Santa can you hear me? I have been so good this year and all I want is one thing Tell me my true love is near He's all I want, just for me underneath my christmas tree I'll be waiting here. Santa thats my only wish this year. oohhh ohh yeah Christmas Eve I just can't sleep Would I be wrong for taking a peek? Cause I heard that your coming to town
Santa can you hear me? (yea yeah) Really hope that your on your way With something special for me in your sleigh Ohh please make my wish come true Santa can you hear me I want my baby (baby) I want someone to love me someone to hold me Maybe (maybe maybe) we'll be all the love under the mistletoe
Santa can you hear me I have been so good this year And all I want is one thing Tell me my true love is near He's all I want just for me Underneath my christmas tree I'll be waiting here santa thats my only wish this year I hope my letter reaches you in time Bring me love can call all mine (yeah yeah) cause I have been so good this year.
Can't be alone under the mistletoe He's all want and a big red bow Santa can you hear me (hear me?) I have been so good this year And all i want is one thing Tell me my true love is near He's all I want. just for me Underneath my christmas tree I'll be waiting here (ohh yeah) santa thats my only wish this year Oh santa can u hear me? oh santa Well hes all I want just for me underneath my Christmas tree Oh I'll be waiting here Santa thats my only wish this year.
Friday, December 14, 2007, 3:08:00 PM
Dear darlings,
I just realised it has been a year since I last cooked, after a scary incident that happened to me that I started fearing on-ing the stove.
My relatives and cousins will be coming down from malaysia next sunday and they will be staying at our house till christmas. My cousins are mostly guys and they are all younger than me. zzz. Then the house will be turned upside down with their screaming and shouting!!! Hais. But I guess my dad will be holding a BBQ party at our house, and I want to cook again this christmas for the party. My parents just bought a new oven, and that means, I can bake a christmas log cake! Wohoo!!!
I want to bake a turkey, honey ham, log cake, chocolates for gifts and spahegtti bolognese. Wheee... it will be my perfect christmas menu! Hahas. Then, I will decide who to invite to my christmas party. Its just one and a half week more to christmas! I can't wait to recieve my presents!!!
I have decided not to go for the Interns outing tomorrow, the potluck think is so troublesome la! And since I have to leave in the afternoon, so my as well just forget it. I can catch up on my sleep or can also attend my tuition. Havent been attending it.
Sorry. for the randomness in today's post. I don't know what to write anymore. I have to end it right now too. I promised my sister I will go out with her now for grocery shopping. Zzzz. Ciao!
Thursday, December 13, 2007, 7:23:00 PM
UPDATES! Dear darlings,
I have been wanting to post a very good news for so long, but I always forget. So, before I forget again, I shall post it out.
On the first week of June holidays, I will be going to SYDNEY!! Wheeeee...
The main reason is for my cousin wedding, and the next is we can holiday! Though my parents will not be tagging along with us. They can't get away cause of heavy work load, so sad. You have to pity me, I need look after my 3 younger sisters. We will be going with my dad's side relatives and also my cousins. I have 3 cousins in Australia too. Hehes.
The first thing I want to do in Australia is to go sightseeing! I want to see the blue mountains, sydney opera house, sydney harbour and many many more!
Not forgetting I also have my trip to GuangZhou this coming chinese new year.
Hmmm.. Then I will have 2 new places I have been to! Hehehes.
Dear darlings,
I feel much more better than before already, that is of course with someone's help. Thanks, I appreciate it. You're right, I shouldn't let someone bad, influence my good. In the first place, I shouldn't even be the one being influenced, but me influencing others. I do want to make a difference in other people lives, and not them making a difference in mine.
I just can't help it, but to be forgiving. It's very difficult to hate someone. I guess that's just me.
Woke up early today to call for mcdonalds delivery, I just miss eating their hotcakes so much! Was supposed to jog till their outlet and have breakfast but, forgotten to turn on my alarm. Who cares, as long I have the hotcakes. Hehehes.
I have been watching witch yoo hee drama these past few days, its almost finishing though. Want to find new anime to watch, or maybe I shall stick wih delightful girl chuan yang, which darwina had been recommending it to me.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007, 6:39:00 PM
Dear darlings,
I have thought through my problems over and over again. I was knocked some sense into my head by Hoang, scolded by him for being a stupid girl; that people don't blame themselves, but should blame others. I guess I am just weired. Blame it on my stubborness that to no avail, I did not listen to any of the advice. Maybe its just against my principals; against what I had been thought.
I was told to talk things out, but given my character, how could I? I always kept things to myself, unable to express it out, and yet now asking me to talk things out? All you will ever hear is the words: "I don't know" and "nevermind". I just find it uneasy and extrememly difficult to say things out that is bothering me.
Slept at 7am this morning, and woke up only at 4pm. I am feeling much better after the whole night of crying. Crying out, really does take away some of your pain. I am just so lost as to what to do, yet I am unwilling to take in any advice I hear. Look at how stubborn am I.
I want to change myself. I want to erase my whole past. I don't want to be Grace anymore. You don't know how tiring and painful it is to be me. I want to be happy! Who doesn't. I want to liv everyday with a smile on my face no matter how hard it is. But, it is easier said than done. Sometimes, I don't understand things anymore. I don't even understand myself anymore.
Tuesday, December 11, 2007, 11:55:00 PM
UPDATES!
I have finally bought my very first pair of NIKE shoes! Surprising right! Thanks to Darwina, I finally gathered enough courage to hand in my resignation letter. I feel very bad though. As I bought the shoes before I handed in my letter and they gave me staff discount! Ah!!! I rather they had let me paid the actual amount. My conscience is bothering me.
My sister says my shoes looks so guyish and its looks like soccer shoes. But who cares! It was love at first sight, and it doesnt has spikes on the soles, how can it be a soccer shoe. Its a cross training shoe. I initially was stucked with another pair of metallic grey and a pink stripe shoe, but it looks like ballet shoe. LOLS. Thank god for my blessing in disguise!
Initially just wanted to hang around leisure park, but when we passed by Parkway, we just couldn't resist going there. Darwina and I went around asking for PSP prices. She also made me want to get one PSP slim! Ahh. I don't know if I needed one, but it seems so awesome that I just want it for the sake of having it. HAIS!
I just needed to write the topic I have in my mind since yesterday, I just can't get it out of my head. I need to let out my fustration on my blog and to scold myself for being naive!
The question I have been stucked with is What is the meaning of friend
The dictionary gives 3 basic meanings: 1) a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard. 2) a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter. 3) a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.
Even though some of these meanings are true, but you know what! some are just plain rubbish! I don't know if I should be angry, sad, or whatever. All I know is I am just hurt! I don't know if you understand me at all, or if I am so difficult to even be understood! The one thing that I hate most is being LIED at! Yet, I am so naive to even believe in you for so long.
Someone told me to forget everything that I have been told! I tried! But I can't. I don't hate you, I hate myself so much for being so naive. I have been saying I don't trust people easily, yet I was wrong. Why! Why on earth do I believe in every single thing I have been told, even if the lies was so obvious, yet I still believe because she is my friend, and I trust her.
Ignorance is INDEED "BLISS"! Its because I have been so ignorant of eveything that I can't even differentiate black and white anymore. I can forgive you for badmouthing me, I can forgive you for not understanding me, But I find it so difficult to forgive someone who lied to me for not days, not months, but years! Someone whom I trusted so much, did all these to me! What on earth is the meaning of friend? I hate the word friend so much, I hate myself so much!
I don't know what to do, I really don't know. I just want to cry on and on and on. I want a change in myself. Whether after changing it will be better or worst than before, I don't care. I just don't want the me, right now. The me right now sucks!
You must be amazed at how I scold myself. Thats how much I hate me! How amazing isnt it. You know what, scolding oneself, is very painful. My heart hurts. All I know is to just cry, cry as much as I want and I will feel better.
I've just realised how much I have missed god, I just want to pray and pray and pray. GOD was there for me, whenever I needed him. I am going to church on saturday evening after the sentosa interns meeting. Its been so long since I last enter the house of God.
This is the song I hear whenever I am down, the song that I sing freely. The song, I would take pains to learn it on the piano. It is a perfect song. A song I will never grow sick of hearing. It may not be anything to you, its everything to me. Its a song that comforts me and gives me assurance.
Resignation letter.
Dear darlings,
Today is my 2nd day on a off-day from work, and it will be my last. With Darwina's help, I have finally tended my resignation letter. Will go and hand it over to them with her. The 2 reasons why I want to quit is, with the job, I can't commit fully on the preparation of the orientation. The only time I have is after work, and by that time I will be so tired from work that I can't put in a 100% effort. The 2nd reason is its because I am partly lazy to go to work to and its giving me my knee cap problems back again.
Oh well, I am still going to go there and buy that pair of black NIKE shoes before I leave. I am so in love with it. It's still expensive though it has already been discounted and I have given deep thoughts in whether I should purchase it a not as I have to use my own $$$ to buy it. I am going to be so poor after buying it! Hahas. But who cares, I need a school shoes anyway. (:
Yesterday, I was very late for the meeting with my clan members. I totally overslept. I love my clan members so much! Their so frigging fun to be with. And I LOVE OUR CLAN BANNER! It is totally amazing and stunning isnt it! I simply love the flintstones! Hahas.
I have not decided to upload the sentosa outing photos yet, till I have gotten the rest of the pictures from sheralyn who is now in her midst of her HongKong holiday. I also have my group card to design. With Dino and Pebbles being choosen, I have decided on Wilma Flintstone! Hahas. Afterall, she is one of the easier one to draw. Yet, I am still stuck on my design layout, not sure of where to put my group number 4 at. Well, I am an art student and it MUST! work out somehow. LOLS.
As you can see, I have finally changed my blogskin! Hahas. The fonts are clearer for reading now and you don't have to strain your eyes to read my blog anymore. It is for the courtesy of readers who really strained their eyes to read my blog. Even I, after writing it don't even bother reading. Oh well, worry no more! Now the fonts are so readable that you can read it as many times as you want. I sound like an advetisement, zZzZ...
I have a topic to touch on initially, but I am rushing. I have to reach sportslink before the peak hour otherwise I have to queue up to enter the shop! So CIAO!
Saturday, December 8, 2007, 12:15:00 AM
Dear darlings,
I am finally able to spot stars again outside my house. Its been a very long since I last spot any, I guessed today skies are very clear, therefore the star are more than the usual and its very beautiful! I wish to see it every single day of life. I don't know why I love those chunk of gases so much, they are just simply stunning and amazing that I will never grow tired of just staring at them.
Thinking of stars made the memories of me holiday-ing in Vung Tau flowing back to me. The area is so dark and the skies are so clear, that every night, the skies will be amazingly be filled with stars! The wind there is very strong too! I seriously want to go back there again, but this time Hoang won't be there with me. Well, its good though. Then I won't have anyone next to me disturbing me and fussing about to go back to his house, or hearing his excuses about how he forget to pass the keys to his parents and have to go back and open the door for them. But I will miss the company I have while drinking coffee late at night and watching the stars and also someone to play pool with everyday! I also wont have someone to ride me around to sightsee. Whats more, its very quiet there too, though the place is very small, I can remember some of their roads briefly up till now. Hahas!
Tomorrow I have to report to work half and hour earlier the usual time. It will definitely be super packed tomorrow cause of the sale and it will be a long and tiring day! Oh well, at least I am given off on next mon, tues and wed! So I shall 'ta han' another 2 more days!!!! JIA YOU GRACE!!!!!!!!!!
Friday, December 7, 2007, 12:25:00 PM
when tiredness overwhelms me.
Dear darlings,
I finally got my precious laptop and handphone back! The past 2 day was spent with me working. Yes, I am working at sportslink as a sales assistant, the kind of job which I SUPER dislike. Yet, with just a O level cert, how can I be an Urban Planner aye! Hahas.
Its tiring to be a sales assistant and my legs feels so stiff that it might break anytime. Thankfully today my shift start at 3pm, so not that bad larh. But saturday and sunday can die. Now having a BIG Nike sale, and yesterday so many people already, the next 3 days sure ...................
The Nike products are so worth buying, its selling at super cheap prices. One t-shirt the cheapest is like $19.90 and their original prices can go up to $50. Not bad right.
LOLS, I am becoming to sound like a sales promoter on my blog. I have nothing much to blog about, except work and work and work, till the end of next week.
Then shall quit my job and start preparing for school. I must also start studying, otherwise, I will forget all my last year notes, and cant catch up with new ones.
I don't know what to blog already, so I shall end here. Ciao!
Tuesday, December 4, 2007, 5:40:00 PM
Dear darlings,
I havent been posting any good news that is happening to me lately. Well, its not that I dont really have any, but the bad news always overwhelms the good ones. Anyway, I shall post about it today.
1) I was awarded the edusave merit bursary. Though, I can't qualify for the money, but to have been awarded its is an achievement for me. It is a stepping stone for greater achievements!
2) I have been qualified to join the Student Council. I just learn of it from my email today. Well, this is definitely good news!
3) The interview at Sportslink to be a part time sales promoter was a success. The shop is at Kallang Leisure Park, really near my home but super hard to get there! The pay is $4/hr, not really good, but who cares. At least I can spent all my free time working. Hahas. Whats more the shop is most of the time empty, as the shopping centre has just been revamped and not much people goes there.
I seriously cant believe I am going to work tomorrow, and as a SALES PROMOTER! The irony is that I hate being a sales promoter, after having a bad time last year doing the same job. Hopefully, I won't faint on the first day of work again and hopefully I really can enjoy this job.
Because I am starting work tomorrow, I cant attend the bonding session for the student councils tomorrow. I just learnt of it like 10mins ago, and it is like too late for me to go and inform them about the job tomorrow. Hopefully the teachers can be understanding.
Yesterday night, went out with Carolyn to Yoshinoya at bugis for dinner. Initially wanted to go Marina Square, but there is no bus that goes there from her house, thus we ended up at Bugis. Whenever I go out with Carolyn, I am like a blur blur mountain tortise like that. We were finding for The Cocoa tree, and I didnt even know we already stepped into that shop and was still continously searching the shop for her. Then she gave me the shocking look on her face. LOLS. I learn alot of things when I go out with her, I shall go out more often yea! hahas. I bought my prince of tennis book 22 manga. They didnt have book 21. =( Oh well, I have watched finish the anime already, so it doesnt make any big difference.
I want to thank Carolyn for giving me a peppermint candy cane. We were walking past the shop and I told her how much I love eating candy canes and when I was purchasing the cheese she went off the buy one for me. So sweet of her right!
I guess thats all for blogging today. I don't know what to post already. Hahas. So Byebye! Take cares. (:
Monday, December 3, 2007, 4:38:00 PM
Dear darlings,
I am here blogging at Carolyn's house. Just now was supposed to go for a job interview at united square shopping center, BUT I forgotten to ask whats the shop name and I couldn't get through the person number. Ended up applying for another job though at sports link. Have to go kallang Leisure Park tomorrow for the interview.
I don't know what is seriously wrong with me. It is 1 month before school starts and here I am suddenly searching for a job and yet I hate working. Today is the 3rd day of December. I made myself a promise that I will start studying on the very first day, but I have still yet to really get into the mood of revising. I have started reading up on weather and climate for geography though. I will still say, I hate that chapter! Why? Cause I have to memorize plenty of stuffs and I just cant really imagine the processes and stuff. I just don't have the affinity with the weather! Hahas. Though I only read 2 pages of this chapter but I know the difference between the weather and the climate. I also know about the 4 layers of the atmosphere and their characteristic. Though right now I can only name out the stratosphere, which is the 2nd highest layer. Hahas.
Oh boy, I am babbling about geography again. But I just love that subject so much. There's so much to learn. But, after exams, I have not yet touched my books already. I have forgotten or gotten most of my facts and the dates all messed up. Hahas, I better stop typing about my subjects, otherwise all you will ever hear is stuff on geography.
You know what! Half of my this post has disappeared, and it was a really well written one about my thoughts! Arghhh! I cant really possibly type all of it again.
I shall summarize that 4 missing beautifully written and inspiring paragraph into a shorter one. Maybe you aren't meant to read the 4 paragraph.
Well, I have thought through about my problems, and that no matter what happens, life just goes on and it is up to me to move on. Things will happen along the way, be it bad or good, thats because this is just life. But, I don't want to live my life fretting over problems. I want to live my life happily every single day, and living not one single day with regrets again. Living every single day happily is not easy, but be it a good or bad day, I want a smile to be drawn on my face. Though I have written in my previous post that this belief of mine is rubbish, but I realized that is just me. I cant possible hate myself.
Spreading happiness is easy, yet at the same time hard too. But seeing all the happy faces around me, will make me happy too. Life has many problems, but I have to learn how to take it by my stride, otherwise, I will lose plenty of my braincells thinking. I know time will heal all wounds, thus I shall let time do the job. I cant really say, I am still angry over that problem, but I am still really upset. Yet, I don't have the time to sit forever thinking and complaining. I will just need to learn how to forgive and forget. Life is too short to waste over such silly stuff. There can be so much for me to do, to make a difference!
I shall not give up trusting in myself and my believes, but I shall understand myself more. I shall listen to my heart and not my thinking, and follow whichever path my heart brings me to. Though sometimes my heart defies the norm, but at least I know that is what I want and not just following 'instructions' step by step.
This is just the short version and not really inspiring as compared to the one I have written before. There are also plenty of parts missing, but once the mood of writing is gone for me, everything I write will also be boring. So there isn't really much of a point to type out boring stuff. But I have learn a precious lesson that is to love my life no matter how bad it will turn out to be. Because, somewhere out there, someone is having a worst time than me. Thus, it certainly gives me no right to be complaining about how unfair my life is. I am still considered a fortunate one.
I shall end abruptly here, as I have spent a whole 1 1/2hr typing and re-typing this post out. This is a long time for me to be blogging. So byebye, and take cares! Enjoys!!! (:
Sunday, December 2, 2007, 5:51:00 PM
ATTENTION!
Dear darlings,
Before I start posting on yesterday class outing, I have a very important announcement to make.
My frigging Handphone and Laptop has been confiscated by my parents, by some #%#%^& reasons! Anyways, during this period of time, please refrain from sms-ing or calling me. I do have a new handphone number though. 93476753. You can contact me there.
Anyways, yesterday class outing attendance was disastrous. But, I really had tons of fun. Thanks Yan Hong, Dinesh, Nazirul and Sheralyn for showing up. So much for a class outing huh! Hahas. But we still went ahead to sentosa and played our hearts out. Yan Hong has the honour of being the camera man of that day. He had a pretty tough time juggling Naizrul and my camera. As for me, after much persuasion from the other 3, I finally decided to step into the sea, though I still dared not venture deep. I even remember, once i was brought so deep till my feet cant step onto the seabed, I started panicking and screaming, worst was I pulled sher's hair! Hahahas. It was totally hilarous and embarressing for me. I was even thrown furthur into the sea, thanks to someone who took advantage when I wasnt paying attention.
It is really tiring playing ball in the sea. Well, at least for me, cause I had a tough time wading through the waters, while they swam. Hahas. However that 3 guys left early, sher and I played in the water till 5, then we washed up and went back to Vivo. Went to bought birthday presents and also a shirt for myself to change into. We took about 1 hr just to find a shirt I like. Hahas. This shows how fussy I am. Then went to superdog and had hotdog for dinner. Sher and I just had cravings for hotdogs yesterday. We even had 2, one at sentosa and one at superdog. Maybe its because its the beach thats why our cravings for hotdog is so strong. We just have that impression that beach=must eat hotdog.
Then reached home about 9.20pm. Then some stupid quarreled took place and thats how my handphone and laptop got confiscated. Frigging angry larh! What made me very angry and upset was that my dad scolded me that I am the worst of all. What the fuck larh! Anyhow scold people one for no freaking damn reason. I am so sorry, for scolding out the fucking word out here, cause I am totally pissed. Pissed off with my family, my friends and plenty of stuff. This week, definitely didnt turn out well for me. Well, spent the whole night crying and then decided to confide in my bible. My bible is like my listening ear in my most saddest time, yet whenever I am happy, my bible is forgotten. I feel so bad. I read the bible, asked for god's direction, played the piano, then decided to rest. I hugged my bible to sleep, I am not being silly here. You wont understand how much I needed a listening ear, a shoulder to cry on and a comforting hug yesterday.
To him: I woke up at 2am this morning, despite having no alarm to wake me up. I feel so bad that I couldnt wake you up this morning, that I cant wish you all the best for your run this morning nor could I encourage you. I am so deeply sorry. I dont have your handphone number beside the one in my handphone, thus I cant contact you nor wake you up, Hopefully, you werent late for the marathon and you finished the whole 42km race and not give up, no matter how long you needed to finish it. Well, my new handphone number is on this post, just drop me an sms. Once again, I am sorry. (: