I spent hours just now, typing out a 15 paragraphs long story on my life for all to understand me better. Right now I am having a bad headache just choosing between whether to post it up or not to post it. Oh please help me out here.
It was just you and me. |
There wasn't anymore reason.
Before you, my life was like a moonless night.
Very dark, but there were stars — points of light and reason. And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything. - Edward Cullen to Bella. |
Profile. ♥GRACE 03 02 1990 |
Posting.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008, 11:58:00 PM
SELAMAT HARI RAYA to all my malay friends! :D I spent hours just now, typing out a 15 paragraphs long story on my life for all to understand me better. Right now I am having a bad headache just choosing between whether to post it up or not to post it. Oh please help me out here. Monday, September 29, 2008, 7:57:00 PM
Scenic photographs taken at JTC penthouse balcony during the eco-planning dialogue. In the east, it is impossible to see a sunset as beautiful as this. That is why, the sun doesn't set in the east. Look at the beautiful sun rays at the far end. I have not been consistently blogging recently. The reason- I have been busy meddling around wordpress for the past 2 weeks already. I conclude that blogging in blogspot is so much less tedious as compared to wordpress. For the past 2 days, I have been spending hours just uploading my pilot testing photographs up in my PW group's wordpress page. Therefore, I will not upload the photographs up here again. Although the collection is still incomplete without Darwina's photos that has yet to be uploaded, you can still visit our group's blog- My photo blog is also somewhere in wordpress. I am not going to disclose the link yet. The only reason why I choose to place it in wordpress is because of privacy. I can choose to 'password protect' certain post. In a way this is great for me, because I don't have to spend so much time in blogspot just editing and re-editing my posts. To even edit my own post, it just means that I am still bottling stuff up inside of me. Still, I will continue to blog over here. Wordpress is only a space for me to freely express myself. School was supposedly to be very long today with an additional 2 periods of Art, however it seemed so short and relaxed. Today is the first time I ever finish an assignment during a math lesson. The four period of maths didn't feel as boring and draggy as I expected it to be. In fact, I really enjoyed math lesson. PW was very relaxed, but I got to start writing my 'insights and reflections' draft soon. Art was spent watching Mrs Siti teaching me how to draw the tree bark. I also had an interesting time talking on Frida Kahlo with her. She has the makings of a good PW teacher. Our group got to research so much more on Frida Kahlo. Given my very blur personality, I have to put in twice their effort. I only manage to sleep at 2am last night, only after I gave up on churning sketches for Art. Despite feeling very lethargic right now, I am trying hard to come up with an excuse to give my mummy for not wanting to attend school tomorrow. Since almost the whole of A6 is not attending, there is no point for me to attend. Furthermore, there is 3 whole periods of chinese tomorrow. It will kill me. Saturday, September 27, 2008, 10:25:00 PM
Today in front of Wendy and Ashley I deleted everything. I finally did it! Moving on with life sounds scary and I am very afraid. However if I don't do so now, I don't know when will I ever give myself another chance. I must be a very brave girl to do so this way. Sabrina are you proud of me? What am I feeling right now? I really don't know the answer. I don't know if I should wear a happy face or a sad face? My mind feels relieve, yet my heart seems to be hiding away from all the pain. Give me time and it will reply this question soon. Hopefully, I did the right thing this time. I really do hope so. I will make one little prayer- this time for myself. It will be a secret and a promise between God and I. I am very tired now, will blog on today's pilot testing and upload all pictures soon. Ciao. Thursday, September 25, 2008, 11:08:00 PM
I have my braces on again today. It is so painful that my lips are swollen and I can hardly even bite my food. If you want to lose weight, I recommend braces as the most effective and efficient way. Just came back from JTC penthouse for an ECO planning dialogue. Surprisingly, it was very interesting and we all stayed very attentive throughout. The place is beautiful, the scenery from their roof garden is breathtaking especially during the sun set. Dinner was also great. It was an amazing experience. I will upload the pictures ASAP. Got back my H2 SOVA paper marks today. It isn't too good, neither is it that bad. Anyway my overall marks would definitely be pulled down after adding in my practical grades. Just glad that I have got one H2 pass already. I just need another one. From tomorrow onwards, I have got to rush out the pilot testing preparation and my art coursework due on Monday! It is going to be a busy weekend for me. Nevermind, it will work out somehow. Tuesday, September 23, 2008, 6:56:00 PM
" To still be suffering is stupid after all this time." Tomorrow I will be back to school, back to reality once again. If only reality is good, I wouldn't be dreading so much right now. Although my last few blog posts are going to disagree with what I am going to say next, but life has been beautiful ever since my last paper ended. It has been eventful. Besides touching on Project Work, I played lots of games, read my novel, watch plenty of anime, enjoyed the Korean version movie of "My sassy girl", realised I still like the American version so much more, hook myself up in facebook, spent plenty of time with Audrey and last but not least caught up alot on my beauty sleep. I enjoyed myself. As reality slowly sets back in, I will have to be back on pure studying again. I remembered what Mrs Siti said about studying. When studying, you have to continue to do so. Once you stop, it will be very difficult to find back the pace again. It is all about self discipline. 6 weeks of pure studying in exchange for an A in Math, it is quite reasonable. 6 weeks of no life in exchange for an A in math, I believe it will work out somehow. But IF I spent this 6 whole weeks living a life, no matter how much eventful it will be, no matter enjoyable it can be, an A in math is definitely beyond my reach. Placing aside all distractions, Six weeks of pure studying here I come!!! :D Sunday, September 21, 2008, 8:26:00 PM
Because I am a strong girl, I will tolerate, so fucking tolerate all these nonsense! Friday, September 19, 2008, 11:46:00 PM
Friday I was suppose to be very happy that I finally finished my last paper- Art. But, I ended up having to help out the art teachers with the PU3 A level coursework set up. Was so tired from the little sleep I had from the day before, that I couldn't stop complaining about it. It was very last minute, but what to do, it is mandatory and there is even marks for it. Muneera, Sabrina and I went around painting quite a number of black walls black. We first started out doing it nicely, but as time goes by and as our boredom sets in, getting the job done ASAP was our goal. Towards the end we didn't even bother to lay the floor with newspaper and just started painting hysterically. Last day of my exam and I reached home only at 3.30pm. Woke up very late today. Went to the Games Convention Asia and Vivo City with a friend. It has been such a long time since I last went out and had fun. At the GCA, I learnt how to make ironman fly and had experience playing some other games too. At Vivo City, went to Pet safari and bought a ball for Audrey. She loves balls. I also had an enjoyable time playing at the arcade and shopping at Daiso. Saw a really smiley broom over there. How I wish my life was like the smiley broom. After Daiso, we went to page one and went searching for my "Sense and Sensibility". However, there wasn't any stock left except for the one in the 'complete series of Jane Austen book'. And I bought that book. Instead of having just one story now, I have all of Jane Austen's books. Oh well, at least I can also get to read the complete version of "Pride and Prejudice" which I love so much. I have been reflecting on my life lately. My life has definitely changed alot, as well as those around me. For my character, I am no longer as patient as I used to be before. Patience has never been a part of me. Just that in the past, I was trying to tolerate and just learn. Therefore when my level of tolerance fell, the patience also went away. My trust for others still remains unchange. It is still very difficult for me to trust anyone, but at least I had managed to give it to one or two. I told myself today, if I am the only one putting in the effort for anything, then so be it. I really cannot be bothered anymore. I am just going to do whatever I should be doing. If no one really cares, what more can I do? Life still goes on, what needs to be done still has to be done. It does not mean I shall not give it a damn too. All the more I should put in even more effort and give more care to it, even if it means I am alone. As for the rest, I will just keep quiet and in my heart silently pray that hopefully one day sense will knock them awake. Welcome to the new me. Love it or not, it is not for you to judge. Paul Mauriat's classical pieces are absolutely astounding. Thursday, September 18, 2008, 5:10:00 PM
I woke up very early today, fried an egg, had breakfast, played with Audrey and prepared to visit the dentist. Once again, I am late. I was caught up trying to stop the bleeding from my opened wound. It just wouldn't stop bleeding, so I just wrapped my toe up with tissue and continue my journey to the dentist. I have got a good news and a bad news. The good news is my lower set of teeth hasn't shifted much, so I can continue with my retainers treatment. The bad news is my upper set of teeth has shifted quite badly. The best and fastest way to get it corrected is to wear back braces! Not even one year has passed since I last removed my braces and here I am, having to wear it back again. Wonder how long is it going to take again. :'( Oh well, it is my fault anyway. Tomorrow is my last paper! Can't wait for it to pass quickly. Tuesday, September 16, 2008, 10:02:00 PM
The above are photos taken before the wedding dinner on Saturday. Beautiful right? Hahas. I am left with one more Art paper before the end of the promotional exams, but the pressure is just only starting to build up. I have 3 A level Art coursework boards due in 2 weeks time, followed by project work and intensive preparation for A level math paper. There is so much to do that I have hardly any room left to breathe. Nevertheless, I can't wait for my last paper to pass. Then only can I fulfil a promise that I made to myself before the exams started- that is to get the 'sense and sensibility' book. Visited the doctor together with Sabrina to consult about my toe. My toe is in a terrible condition, it is red and swollen; the blood clot under my nail caused my nail to be black in colour. Disgusting right! Was supposed to remove the nail today, thankfully the doctor didn't. I ended up with some cream, painkillers and gastric tablets. I have got 2 weeks off from P.E too. Now, I have to wait for 3 months for the whole toe to be fully healed. ): I finally remembered and bothered to call up National Dental Center for an appointment. I am so going to be scolded by my dentist for not replacing my retainers sooner. Hopefully, everything is still not too late. I made a photo blog today. It is still of a mediocre standard, I will only announce the web at a later time. It is just a photo blog, so don't expect much from it. So many stuff happened lately, but I am in no mood to blog on my thoughts right now. Shall leave all these to another day. Shall end my blog today with a story, enjoy reading. (: The Healing Poison anonymous A long time ago, a girl named Li-Li got married and went to live with her husband and mother-in-law. In a very short time, Li-Li found that she couldn't get along with her mother-in-law at all. Their personalities were very different, and Li-Li was angered by many of her mother-in-law's habits. In addition, she criticized Li-Li constantly. Days passed days, and weeks passed weeks. Li-Li and her other-in-law never stopped arguing and fighting. But what made the situation even worse was that, according to ancient Chinese tradition, Li-Li had to bow to her mother-in-law and obey her every wish. All the anger and unhappiness in the house was causing the poor husband great distress. Finally, Li-Li could not stand her mother-in-law's bad temper and dictatorship any longer, and she decided to do something about it. Li-Li went to see her father's good friend, Mr. Huang, who sold herbs. She told him the situation and asked if he would give her some poison so that she could solve the problem once and for all. Mr. Huang thought for a while, and finally said, Li-Li, I will help you solve your problem, but you must listen to me and obey what I tell you. Li-Li said, "Yes, Mr. Huang, I will do whatever you tell me to do." Mr. Huang went into the back room, and returned in a few minutes with a package of herbs. He told Li-Li, "You can't use a quick-acting poison to get rid of your mother-in-law, because that would cause people to become suspicious. Therefore, I have given you a number of herbs that will slowly build up poison in her body. Every other day prepare some pork or chicken and put a little of these herbs in her serving. Now, in order to make sure that nobody suspects you when she dies, you must be very careful to act very friendly towards her. Don't argue with her, obey her every wish, and treat her like a queen." Li-Li was so happy. She thanked Mr. Huang and hurried home to start her plot of murdering her mother-in-law. Weeks went by, and months went by, and every other day, Li-Li served the specially treated food to her mother-in-law. She remembered what Mr. Huang had said about avoiding suspicion, so she controlled her temper, obeyed her mother-in-law and treated her like her own mother. After six months had passed, the whole household had changed. Li-Li had practiced controlling her temper so much that she found that she almost never got mad or upset. She hadn't had an argument in six months with her mother-in-law, who now seemed much kinder and easier to get along with. The mother-in-law's attitude toward Li-Li has also changed, and she began to love Li-Li like her own daughter. She kept telling friends and relatives that Li-Li was the best daughter-in-law one could ever find. Li-Li and her mother-in-law were now treating each other like a real mother and daughter. Li-Li's husband was very happy to see what was happening. One day, Li-Li came to see Mr. Huang and asked for his help again. She said, "Dear Mr Huang, please help me to keep the poison from killing my mother-in-law! She has changed into such a nice woman, and I love her like my own mother. I do not want her to die because of the poison I gave her." Mr. Huang smiled and nodded his head. "Li-Li, there's nothing to worry about. I never gave you any poison. The herbs I gave you were vitamins to improve her health. The only poison was in your mind and your attitude toward her, but that has been all washed away by the love which you gave to her." Sunday, September 14, 2008, 10:40:00 AM
The pain is unbearable. I injured one of my toes this morning after tripping and hitting something metal in Audrey's place. It is so painful that I can't even walk properly now. Wonder how am I going to go school tomorrow for my paper. Hopefully it gets better. :( Friday, September 12, 2008, 10:29:00 AM
I'm a girl with mixed feelings today. Woke up very early today with a good mood. That is until I received Mr Ng sms about our PW laptop and it totally spoilt my mood. Argh! Never mind, moving on. As you guys would know, I have never been successful in playing Canon in D on the piano. However, after lots of learning and practising this time, I am only left with one more page to complete the entire song! This song is my favourite of all the piano pieces and to be able to finish playing the piece after so much failures, I couldn't be much more happier. I slacked away my whole of yesterday and this is worrying. That means I have lesser time to complete my geography and economics studying. Hopefully I can finish it during the weekends. Wednesday, September 10, 2008, 8:27:00 PM
UPDATES I feel really fucked up. I am stressed and confused. Have been trying to look at the brighter side of life, I have been trying very hard to find my direction in life. I have so many troubles to share, but who can understand? I am lost. I have read somewhere before that 'pain is mandatory, but suffering is choice.' Can I really face up to this pain? I have been trying very hard for so long, but still I found no answer. I can only feel carefree temporary, when reality returns I am back to square one. I wonder will there ever be a day where I will just give up trying. Chinese Paper was very difficult and I screwed up. I don't even know how to read most of the words in the passages much less being able to understand it. Mathematics Paper was tough, my answer for the first question was so weired I didn't even bother finishing up that logarithm sum. Hopefully statistics can pull my marks up. Geography Paper is MURDEROUS! Not only can I 100% confirm that my targeted grade won't be reached, there is also a high probability that I will fail today's paper. I have better buck up for my Human Paper. This is so worrying given the fact that I need to have 2 H2 passes to promote, I cannot possibly just depend on my Economics and Art. I have never failed any of my H2 subjects before in examinations, and if this time I do; I will be very sad. Furthermore, it is my favourite subject; the subject that I have been putting most of my effort into. The only paper that seemed reasonable enough is the Economics Paper. I better start concentrating in preparing for Paper 2. Tuesday, September 9, 2008, 8:39:00 PM
Tomorrow is the day, where I have been working so hard for. I have given up Math for my Geography paper. It better be good, otherwise I am so going to 'kill' myself. Wish me luck, I need plenty. (: Monday, September 8, 2008, 6:02:00 PM
Celebrated my Grandmother's birthday yesterday. Together the whole family sat down and had steamboat dinner at my uncle's place. Brought Audrey along with us too. My aunty bought a chocolate cake for my grandmother. I have never liked chocolate, but that chocolate cake is one of the best I have ever tasted. The chocolate on that cake has a different and uniques taste, I really love that chocolate alot. Then I went back home, studied finish my Weathering and Mass Movement. Slept only at 3am. I very hardworking right? This is what I get for starting my revision late. Tomorrow will be my first paper for promo's. Even though I have been studying intensively for the last few days, but I still don't feel prepared. The is the first time I am actually worrying for myself. For if I can't meet my own grades expectations, I will be very disappointed and upset with myself. Besides studying Geography again today, I am still trying to figure out why am I such a good girl today. Instead of focusing on my studies today, I actually helped my parents do housework! First it was cooking lunch for Valerie, then it was cooking dinner for the family. And yes people I can cook and it is edible! Wonder why people don't believe my this sentence. Hahas. While cooking dinner, I kept thinking- If I want to help my parents, I rather do it all properly. Then I saw the pile of clothes in the washing machine. Helped my mummy to take down the dry clothes and hang up the wet ones. Finally cleaned up the whole kitchen till it is sparkling clean. Oh well, at least when they come back home from work today, they could rest and be happy, even if it is only for today. (: I guess that niceness is just a part of me. =X Hehes. So dear lord, please bless me for my exams tomorrow. Saturday, September 6, 2008, 10:21:00 AM
Yesterday I watched 'My Sassy Girl'. I love this movie very much. I have heard lots of negative comments on this movie. I can't deny that this movie is only of an average standard, but the story plot is very touching and inspirational. If given another chance, I will still choose to watch it again. I haven't watched the original Korean version, so I don't know the stark differences between these 2 movies. But I believe, they are special in their own way. Remember on my Tuesday blog post I started by asking "Is there a love that transcend beyond space and time?" I've got my answer after watching the movie and the answer is Yes, there is. A movie is afterall just a story, this love may not even exists in reality. But I, choose to believe it does exists. I may not be that special girl to experience this beautiful love, however, it does not mean I cannot believe in it. I love every single bit of this story, from how they met by chance, spending time together, falling for each other, seperating for love, and to how destiny brings them back together again. It was so touching and very sad at the 2nd half of the movie, that I cried so much. I love the part where Jordon played 'Canon in D' in her recital class and Charlie came in with a single red rose for her. It was a very touching and romantic scene. I want to be like her too- to play Canon on the piano and recieve a red rose from the person I love. I have tried learning how to play Canon in D for years, however I always give up in the end. It is too difficult for me to learn. After watching that scene, I told myself by hook or by crook, I cannot give up and must learn how to play finish that song. Hopefully this time, I can finally play it, and how beautiful it would be to have a red rose to go along with it. Hahas. I always thought that in fate what is meant to be mine, will eventually be mine. What is not mine, no matter how hard I fight for it, is useless, so give up. However, yesterday something else came into my head. What if my fate was meant to fight for that something I want? It sounds logical right, but very confusing. Hahas. The movie said " Destiny is building a bridge to the one you love." This quote is kind of true actually. I guess what fate wants us to do is to build a bridge to the other side and find out the answer for ourselves instead of waiting for fate to give us an answer. If the answer is a yes, it is yours, if the answer is a no, then it is just not meant to be yours, just give up. "Why try when the answer could be a no?", some of you may ask. It is because fate want us to have the courage and go beyond our own boundaries and just try. After all if we never try, we will never know the answer. Having a 'no' from fate as an answer, isn't the end of the world. It doesn't mean that it was all fruitless. Because while building this bridge, you were not only building up yourself to be a stronger person but also creating beautiful experiences and memories along the way in which you could never have a chance to go through it by just waiting for fate to come. This is my set of beliefs on fate and destiny that I have shared with you today. You may disagree or agree with me, either way is fine. There is no right and wrong in it, but only how strong you believe in yourself and whatever makes up of you. For me, I trust in it with all my heart. (: Friday, September 5, 2008, 10:55:00 PM
Lets start today post with Tuesday events. Tuesday Went for the second Salleh Japar workshop in the morning. We had a try on making our own paper using recycled paper pulps. My first-try at it and of course with the help of my friends. Final piece after painting my initials on it with food colouring. 2nd try at paper making. This time did it together with Fandy. Looks very messy right, but its the effort that counts. (: After this workshop, went to the school's library and studies together with Sabrina, Darwina, Shiqeen and Fandy. Managed to do abit of hydrolody before I lost my study mood and went back home after that. Wednesday Had Art lesson in the morning again. It was a lesson on how to use photoshop to manipulate our drawings. The lesson was done in 1 hr, then we just sat down and continue with our coursework drawings. My sunflower sketches are killing me! I took up an hour just to finish sketching the center of the sunflower. Met up with Jack in the afternoon and studied Math and Economics together. I think we spent most of our time talking lots of nonsense instead of studying. Hahas. I did 5 simple probability questions for like 2 hours!! All thanks to my careless mistakes. Touched abit on Theory of Income detemination and Market failure. At least I understand the multiplier concept now. Went back home and stayed up late preparing my expert sharing ppt slides. Thursday Again, it was Art lessons in the morning. It lasted for 3 hrs! It was all presentation and doing comparision. Hais. Hopefully this is the last expert sharing we have to go through. If I am not wrong we have finished our study of visual arts syllabus already. Tuesday, September 2, 2008, 10:21:00 PM
I wonder, is there a love that transcends beyond space and time? Tears of Rain Brady Holzhauer The old woman sat facing a window and staring at the patterns made by raindrops upon the glass. Tears oozed from the corners of her eyes and found their way into the creases around her eyes and then dribbled down her cheeks. She could see the faint reflection of her image in the glass and the rain became tears. It was if heaven shared her grief. In thirty years the pain had not diminished and now it was only a matter of time and she would die too and the memories would die with her. For thirty years she had lived her life for others – her friends, her children and her grandchildren. In all this time her memories were her constant companions but she never shared them. Who would understand? She looked forward to death, waited for it daily and each day she cried for the love she had lost. He had died years before, the drink finally took him in its unrelenting embrace but she had not been at his side to hold him as he slipped away into oblivion. They had parted years before, because she could not bear to see him destroy himself and he could not stand to bring her down with him. He had conceded defeat and resignedly accepted his fate. Alcohol was his demon and he no longer had the will or the desire to fight. His last words had been loving words. He had held her and told her he loved her over and over again. She knew it was over but clung to those last few minutes of togetherness, drawing so deeply upon those words and his familiar mellifluous voice, absorbing it all so that she would never forget. Whenever the pain became too much she would draw upon that moment and remember. It gave her comfort as much as it prevented her from ever healing from the deep inner wounds. As the sun finally sliced its way through cloud and reached out with golden fingers to embrace the verdant landscape, her eyes dropped to her hands clasped in her lap. She twisted the ring on her finger and felt the strange twist in her heart once more. "Wear it," he said "and whenever you think of me touch it and I will be with you." The ring incongruous on her hand because it was his ring and had to be made smaller to fit her finger, had never been taken off. She made a daily ritual of twisting it and gazing at the intricate patterns upon it. It was as if this was the switch to her memories and by touching the ring she entered the gateway to their 'bubble world', the world they had once enjoyed as though they were children in their own private universe. She heard his spontaneous laughter at her slips of tongue and his teasing tone when he was in one of his mischievous moods. He was such a rogue but there was no mistaking the love he felt for her. It was a love that bound them so closely they were truly one person in two parts. Neither of them could hide their feelings from the other. He had only to hear two words from her to know exactly what kind of day she was having. She always seemed to intuitively know when he was in trouble. Although their twenty months together had been filled with pain, it was that incredible love that sustained her for the many lonely years beyond. She never remembered the angry hurtful words because they had disappeared like vapour in sunlight. The loving words, the passionate words and those tender moments remained… Love is special isn't it? The above story is what we call unconditional love. I do not know how to define love, for I am still searching for an answer. Neither am I good in the expression of love, so don't expect much from this blog post. I do know love is sacred and I believe love is a connection through hearts. If there is one word to describe love and me, then that word will be 'hopeless'. Hahas. Hopeless not in the way where there is an absence of hope, but in a way where I am incurable from love. Friends who knows me, knows that it is almost impossible for me to stop loving a person no matter how hard I try to give up or forget about the other. It could be that I have not tried hard enough, or maybe this is what love is to me. For me, love is not about giving up when there are no chances, I only give up when I no longer hold any love for the other anymore. I feel that to be able to see the person you love being happy, you too would also feel happy and contented. Well, this is the most simplistic way of thought, but seriously how many can actually do that? So, you guys learn one new trait about me today- I can be fickle-minded in everything, but when it comes to the affairs of the heart, I'm steadfast. Hahas. :P I am already trying very hard to open up myself and let you guys understand me better, but this is the most I can go on sharing my thoughts on love. If there is one more thing I would share that is- Until I have learn how to love unconditionally, I will remain single and unavailable. Hahas. Alrights, thats all for today. The rest go interpret it yourself. Monday, September 1, 2008, 9:12:00 PM
AISYAH is back! In case you guys don't know thats my malay name. Used it when I am 'fasting' with my Malay friends during their ramadhan. If I happen to eat during this period of time, then I am back to Grace. Ahahas. Sounds silly right; its fun! Alrights before I start blogging about today's stuff, its pictures first. The Resultant Teacher's Day Clay Wasn't really well painted, but I am still proud of it! My 3 successful first-time clay models. Finally she has an area of her own. That green mini 'playground' on the left is her Kennel. Alrights, thats all for the pictures. Sorry Darwina, I am not going to post up the picture of 'both of us snatching over a broom', I am too 'beautiful' in that picture to be shown to everyone. September holidays are here and it is definitely not a holiday for me at all. Not only have I got to go back to school eveyday for lessons and consultations, I also have to study very very hard. Exams are only next week!! This time I must reach my targeted grades. All the best to everyone and enjoy mugging. (: The Salleh Japar Workshop today was better than expected. I enjoyed his lessons and his artworks alot. One of his art installation 'Inhabitants of the cradle' left a deep impression on me. It is a social commentary on who you should be vs. what you want to be. This brings me to my topic of discussion tonight. From young, we were always told by the adults of what we should be doing in the future. What is deemed correct and what is deemed wrong, all this from the perspective of an adult. Therefore our life ends up being determined by the adults. However, it is because of this it hinders your choice of who you want to be in the future and the path you want to undertake. I used to dream of becoming a musician. Instead of hearing encouragement from my parents, all they ever told me was to give up this dream and focus on my studies and find a proper job. All because to them, I can never make a living out of music at all. After hearing these words for four years, it somehow got into my head and this dream will always remain a dream only. "All out dreams will come true, if we have the courage to pursue it." Then, I didn't have the courage to pursue my dream. Now, with new dreams I am carrying with me, I will believe in them. Sometimes I do wonder, why do I always have to listen what others want me to be. Don't I have my own freedom of choice? Can't I be myself? Can't I dictate my own life? And my answer: I want others to love me for who I am and not for who they want me to be. I am myself, I cannot live the life of others neither can I put my life onto others and expect them to live it that way. Now, I am living my life for myself, living my life to the fullest and definitely not going to regret a single moment of it anymore. |
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