There wasn't anymore reason.
Before you, my life was like a moonless night.
Very dark, but there were stars — points of light and reason.
And then you shot across my sky like a meteor.
Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty.
When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black.
Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light.
I couldn't see the stars anymore.
And there was no more reason for anything.
- Edward Cullen to Bella.
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Profile.
♥GRACE 03 02 1990
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Posting.
Friday, November 30, 2007, 1:45:00 AM
I dont understand myself anymore.
Dear Darlings, My mind is in a whirl right now. I am feeling so @$#$^*& right now. I realised that, wanting and happening are two different things, with a 50-50 chance of both being able to co-exists together. I realised that, asking for happiness can be harder than imagined. I realised that though I love the world, yet I still fear it. I realised that trusting someone and being trusted are 2 different things. I realised, things just dont go the way you want them to. I realised this, I realised that, and I have come to a conclusion, the world is scary. For this pessimistic mind of mine, the world is too much for me to handle. I have too much 'what if'. Black can be turned to white, and white to black. I really dont know how to differentiate black and white anymore. I fear, I am afraid. I really want someone to understand me, to explain to me, to be my courage when I fear. I am born as an aquarian. I dont blame anyone for not being able to understand me. Because an aquarian is hard to be understood in the first place. I find it really hard to share my problems out and keep everything to myself, whats more, trusting is already very hard for me. Peace, love and joy, just dont exists. If they do, there wont be so many war, conflicts and fights around the world already. I fear the future and even tommorrow. I just wish time will just stand still. As I grow older, I fear what is lying ahead of me. Yet I have been taught, when there is faith, there is no fear. Does that means faith do not exists within me? I have been taught love your enemies as your friends. But its tiring with me just doing it. It is really painful and tiring. I thought as long as I try, as long I dont give up, everything will be fine. Or miracles could even happen. But I was wrong! I thought as long as I believe in whatever I do, I can make it. Again I was wrong. Everything is just so wrong! My beliefs are totally all wrong!!! Giving happiness is harder than I could ever imagine! Yes giving!!! and not recieveing. I thought, living every single day happily without regrets was perfect, yet it isnt. All I can just think right now is, I am so disappointed in myself and for whatever I believe in. Just what did I believe in was ever correct. At least, I still have a blog as a listening ear.
Friday, November 23, 2007, 11:22:00 PM
Memories
Dear darlings,
Yesterday was my SC interview, it wasnt so bad but nonetheless there will some hiccups present. Since yesterday, memories of the past just keeps flowing back to me. The secondary school days, my past relationship, how I spent my pre-u 1 days in MI, chinese orchestra, all sort of things that I can remember. Remembering these kind of made me sad. It had me wishing, how I can go back to those days, how I wish to just stop growing up. I have been living in this world for 17 years, another 2 more mths, it will be my 18th year. I feel kind of afraid to grow up, maybe afraid of what the future of mine will be, wanting to just live as who I am right now. I have a question in my mind, Does life get tougher as we grow older? Or is life better. Being a pestimistic person, its no wonder that I am afraid of the future. Alright, will be posting another simple love story again(not sure if it can be considered a love story though but it definitely will be inspirational) for you guys to read, get touched and start crying. LOLS.The more hurt and pain you have gone thru in life, the stronger and morebeautiful your heart will be.....One day a young man was standing in the middle of the town proclaiming that he had the most beautiful heart in the whole valley.A large crowd gathered and they all admired his heart for it was perfect. There was not a mark or a flaw in it. Yes, they all agreed it truly was the most beautiful heart they had ever seen. The young man was very proud and boasted more loudly about his beautiful heart.Suddenly, an old man appeared at the front of the crowd and said, "Why your heart is not nearly as beautiful as mine." The crowd and the young man looked at the old man's heart. It was beating strongly, but full of scars, it had places where pieces had been removed and other pieces put in, but they didn't fit quite right and there were several jagged edges. In fact, in some places there were deep gouges where whole pieces missing. The people stared. How can he say his heart is more beautiful?? they thought. The young man looked at the old man's heart and saw its state and laughed. "You must be joking," he said. "Compare your heart with mine, mine is perfect and yours is a mess of scars and tears.""Yes," said the old man, "Yours is perfect looking but I would never trade with you. You see, every scar represents a person to whom I have given my love - I tear out a piece of my heart and give it to them, and often they give me a piece of their heart which fits into the empty place in my heart, but because the pieces aren't exact, I have some rough edges, which I cherish, because they remind me of the love we shared. Sometimes I have given pieces of my heart away, and the other person hasn't returned a piece of his heart to me. These are the empty gouges - giving love is taking a chance. Although these gouges are painful, they stay open, reminding me of the love I have for these people too, and I hope someday they may return and fill the space I have waiting. So now do you see what true beauty is?"The young man stood silently with tears running down his cheeks. He walked up to the old man, reached into his perfect young and beautiful heart, and ripped a piece out. He offered it to the old man with trembling hands.The old man took his offering, placed it in his heart and then took a piece from his old scarred heart and placed it in the wound in the young man's heart. It fit, but not perfectly, as there were some jagged edges.The young man looked at his heart, not perfect anymore but more beautiful than ever, since love from the old man's heart flowed into his.They embraced and walked away side by side.Hopefully the story did inspired you! (:
Sunday, November 18, 2007, 10:05:00 PM
puppies for sale
Dear darlings, I decided to cut and paste a touching and yet the simplest showing of love. Christmas is approaching in almost a month time. It is a season of love and giving and hopefully this story will remind us on how great a little love is. It is also to teach us that we view love as too complex as it should be. Love is all around us, just that we fail to notice it, due to our complex perception of love. Enjoy the story! (: A farmer had some puppies he needed to sell. He painted a sign advertising the 4 pups. And set about nailing it to a post on the edge of his yard. As he was driving the last nail into the post, he felt a tug on his overalls. He looked down into the eyes of little boy. "Mister," he said, "I want to buy one of your puppies." "Well," said the farmer, as he rubbed the sweat off the back of his neck, "These puppies come from fine parents and cost a good deal of money." The boy dropped his head for a moment. Then reaching deep into his pocket, he pulled out a handful of change and held it up to the farmer. "I've got thirty-nine cents. Is that enough to take a look?" "Sure," said the farmer. And with that he let out a whistle. "Here, Dolly!" he called Out from the doghouse and down the ramp ran Dolly followed by four little balls of fur. The little boy pressed his face against the chain link fence. His eyes danced with delight.As the dogs made their way to the fence, the little boy noticed something else??stirring inside the doghouse. Slowly another little ball appeared, this one noticeably smaller. Down the ramp it slid Then in a somewhat awkward manner, the little pup began hobbling toward the others, doing its best to catch up.... "I want that one," the little boy said, pointing to the runt. The farmer knelt down at the boy's side and said, "Son, you don't want that puppy. He will never be able to run and play with you like these other dogs would." With that the little boy stepped back from the fence, reached down, and began rolling up one leg of his trousers.In doing so he revealed a steel brace running down both sides of his leg attaching itself to a specially made shoe.Looking back up at the farmer, he said, "You see sir, I don't run too well myself, and he will need someone who understands." With tears in his eyes, farmer reached down and picked up the little pup.Holding it carefully handed it to the little boy. "How much?" asked the little boy. "No charge," answered the farmer, "There's no charge for love."
Thursday, November 15, 2007, 10:39:00 PM
Shopping, shopping and more shopping!
Dear Darlings, Currently I am watching "Yakitate! Japan" Its an anime on BREAD! YES! Bread. But, dont under-estimate the power of the bread. You can watch it at crunchyroll, it is the funniest anime I ever had watched and the story plan is SUGOI! Which means awesome! Not sure if I spelled it correctly though. Oh well, you wont regret ever watching it! I have recently spent alot of $$$, going to be broke soon. Hais:( The past few days was like splurging non-stop on clothes and food. Oh well, in 2 more weeks, my December $ will come to me. The very first thing I will buy will be the Black Esprit Jacket I have my eyes on and damn, it cost $88!!! Though it really looks like a normal black desig jacket, but still anything from Esprit I will like. I really wished the clothes from the shop were all mine. Their clothes are designed in a way that suits my taste, its no wonder that I love that shop so much. But the brand is EXPENSIVE! T.T Yesterday went out with Albert, Qiaoying and Anthony for a shortwhile to get Jeremy's and Michelle's present. Then went to catch a movie with my 3 little sisters. Watched The Game Plan, it seriously was a hilarious movie and also a touching one. You should watch it. Then I saw the premier of a new movie that is coming out soon called " Enchanted". I am definitely going to catched that one. It is a modern style fairy tale by Walt Disney,and Walt Disney has never failed us with their amazing shows. This movie is also quite unique in a way where it is animated and also reality acted. You really got to watch it, it will be coming out at the end of November. Click http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/enchanted/ to view trailer, you will not be disappointed, especially to the girls. You will love it!Today went to 'Curry Flavour' to celebrate Michelle's and Qiaoying's birthday. The restaurant has a nice ambience to it. I ordered Mushroom curry set. It was initially yummy at first, but eating too much curry and mushroom only made the yummy tastes wear off. Their birthday cake was specially baked by Fion and Delvina, that is so sweet right, and the same goes with the cake. Hahas. But didnt finish the cake though caused it was sweet and I dont like chocolates. But great job! I didnt take any pictures for the blog, awwww. :( I havent been writing on any inspirational topic for so long, I guess so far there is nothing that inspires me? Hahas. Hopefully, I can write one soon, before my blog goes dry on my daily life only. CIAO! And I miss my classmates!!! LOLS, that was really random.
Monday, November 12, 2007, 5:53:00 PM
Dear darling, It will soon be a week since I last come back from SLE camp. My blueblacks is almost completely healed. Now I am left with my strained left arm, which is caused by me falling backwards off my computer chair. Last Friday brought my sister to Sakae to have lunch. I am a sweet sister right. Even if I decided not to be nice to them, but I just cant help it, its in my character. Last Saturday, I finally attended math tuition again. There were 3 primary 2 brats who is making so much noise during tuition. If I was the teacher I would have punish them. But still they were cute and funny too. Then went to meet up with QiaoYing. It has seriously been a long time since we last met up, or even talk to each other! Despite all the 'lost time', we chatted and shared stuff just like before. It was really fun. She is the only person who can understand who I am, I guess because we known each other for 3 years, so she knows everything that happens to me before. Im glad to have her. Im sorry to my other friends, because its very hard for you to comprehend my past. Hehes! My troubles seems to be lighter recently. And I am sorry to one of my friend of treating you so badly. But there is no other way I could ever make you understand without hurting your feelings right.
Friday, November 9, 2007, 11:45:00 AM
COMPASS CONVENTION, SLE CAMP & THOUGHTS.
Dear darlings, Its been more than a week since I last post anything. Within this period of time, plenty of interesting things happened, and I guess the reason why I was unable to blog it out is because I was busy watching anime. =X Hehes. Lets start with me volunteering to be an usher for the compass convention. It was held last saturday at Singapore Poly. Thanks to Darwina( I mean seriously thank you), I had a chance to experience being a VIP usher for the first time in my life. The night before this convention, I had a tough time finding black shoes to fit me, after forgetting I had thrown away my high heels thinking that its useless since I wont wear it ever again. Damn I was wrong. Hahas. Also thanks to Carolyn for coming out all the way to Redhill mrt stn early in the morning just to pass me her black shoes, though it didnt fit. Sorry for all the trouble girl and taking away your beauty sleep. But the whole event went wonderfully well. I can say its a wonderful learning experience for me and also a memorable one. ->Presenting pictures of Nicolette and I, the beautiful and charming VIP ushers:) Hahas. Moving on, I just came back from SEL camp 2 days ago. The camp went well for me. Remembering those days before the camp when I was troubled with so many stuffs and pessimistic thoughts. Thinking back makes me sound so silly. Hahas. The camp was FUN! I made plenty of friends, though up till now I still have trouble remembering their names. I tried many new things such as blindfold rock climbing and what more I never even tried rock climbing before in my whole life much less doing it blindfolded. I am so proud of myself that I never give up the climb and even reach to the top. Also I experience building our own raft as a group with 6 pipes, 4 barrels, plenty of strings and a whole lot of method to tie them together. Not only that, the raft have to be stable so as to we are able to float on the water. Though some problems occurred with the raft, but it still succeed and we even won a mini rafting competition. Hahas. Then it was Canoeing, this is one thing I will never ever try again. Though everything went extremely well and I have to thank Zhi Wei for helping me out, but still I hate canoeing. I had difficulty breathing with the so called life vest clutching so tightly on me. Whats more the waves were so strong as it was raining and high tide that I was having headaches and felt sea sick. It was horrible, I feel like I could vomit anytime. But thankfully I didnt and I was so glad to be able be on land again. I never want to suffer such a horrible ordeal ever again. But I am glad that I was able to experience canoeing at least once in my entire life. There were also plenty of interesting activities such as treasure hunting, sandcastle building, the forum discussion and etc... It was a wonderful experience for me. An experience where I was afraid to face as everything was new for me. Now I am proudly say "I tried, and I did it!" All these has improved me to a whole new level, even though I was quiet during camp. Now I want to talk about other @$&%*$ stuffs: WARNING, read it only if you're prepared. It contains NASTY languages and it might even leave a bad impression. ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- FIRSTLY, during the whole of this time I felt SUPER IRRITATED by an IDIOT! I didnt want to be so bad, but there comes a time when enough is enough and that time is NOW! SECONDLY, I hate people patting my head, touching my shoulders and stuff! Not only that I have told you I dont like it and especially from a guy! And isnt it FREAKING OBVIOUS that I am not at least interested in talking to you at all. Just how DUMB can you get HUH! THIRDLY, to ANOTHER IDIOT, STOP going around asking people to play with you some STUPID GAME just to test their trust for you! HELLO! TRUST HAS TO BE EARNED and not by playing some stupid GAME! You are seriously not a MAN! GET ALIVE WILL YA! ONLY a stupid person will be so stupid and dumb enough to listen to you! I was such a nice person to reject you so nicely, but I was wrong! Sometimes being NICE doesnt pay at all and the same goes to my sisters which I will mention later. Now I am going to say I am NOT at least INTERESTED in you, and You are definitely NOT worth my love! Lastly, being seriously nice to my 3 sisters doesnt pay at all! The ONE BIG MISTAKE I ever did make was to be NICE and TOLERANT, thats why so many problems happens. You dont give me the respect, I shall not give you any too! A tit for a tat! Its so sad that even when you are in the wrong, you just dont admit it. Oh well, know what people, I GIVE UP! ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------- I am so angry, this are the words I want to shout it out to these people! I regretted me being a nice girl all these while wanting not to hurt anyone feelings, cause I understand the feeling of being hurt! But yet, people just dont understand do they! People will just take things for granted and the assumption of HUMANS WANTS ARE UNLIMITED are true, arent they. I feel so troubled, I feel so hurt inside me, I want someone to understand how I feel! Yet why is there NONE! Why is it that I cant share my trouble with anyone. Why am I not good with words at all! But thank you darwina for helping me out with my sister problems. My life is just much more complicated than all these. And the problem why anyone cant understand me or even dont know me is because I hide my problems to myself, I dont know how to share. How I just wish I can just forget everything and move on. But I cant. Just who can ever understand my feelings, when I dont let anyone understand it. Lastly I am not at all interested in love, keep that in mind. Now isnt the right time to deal with that, so please dont have the wrong mindset because of my previous post. And I am attached to myself.
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Alicia ♥
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Icon : Deviantart.
Layout : iPaperhearts
Quote : Twilight Saga.
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