Dear Darlings,
My mind is in a whirl right now. I am feeling so @$#$^*& right now. I realised that, wanting and happening are two different things, with a 50-50 chance of both being able to co-exists together. I realised that, asking for happiness can be harder than imagined. I realised that though I love the world, yet I still fear it. I realised that trusting someone and being trusted are 2 different things. I realised, things just dont go the way you want them to.
I realised this, I realised that, and I have come to a conclusion, the world is scary. For this pessimistic mind of mine, the world is too much for me to handle. I have too much 'what if'.
Black can be turned to white, and white to black. I really dont know how to differentiate black and white anymore. I fear, I am afraid. I really want someone to understand me, to explain to me, to be my courage when I fear.
I am born as an aquarian. I dont blame anyone for not being able to understand me. Because an aquarian is hard to be understood in the first place. I find it really hard to share my problems out and keep everything to myself, whats more, trusting is already very hard for me.
Peace, love and joy, just dont exists. If they do, there wont be so many war, conflicts and fights around the world already.
I fear the future and even tommorrow. I just wish time will just stand still. As I grow older, I fear what is lying ahead of me. Yet I have been taught, when there is faith, there is no fear. Does that means faith do not exists within me? I have been taught love your enemies as your friends. But its tiring with me just doing it. It is really painful and tiring.
I thought as long as I try, as long I dont give up, everything will be fine. Or miracles could even happen. But I was wrong! I thought as long as I believe in whatever I do, I can make it. Again I was wrong. Everything is just so wrong! My beliefs are totally all wrong!!! Giving happiness is harder than I could ever imagine! Yes giving!!! and not recieveing. I thought, living every single day happily without regrets was perfect, yet it isnt.
All I can just think right now is, I am so disappointed in myself and for whatever I believe in. Just what did I believe in was ever correct.
At least, I still have a blog as a listening ear.
My mind is in a whirl right now. I am feeling so @$#$^*& right now. I realised that, wanting and happening are two different things, with a 50-50 chance of both being able to co-exists together. I realised that, asking for happiness can be harder than imagined. I realised that though I love the world, yet I still fear it. I realised that trusting someone and being trusted are 2 different things. I realised, things just dont go the way you want them to.
I realised this, I realised that, and I have come to a conclusion, the world is scary. For this pessimistic mind of mine, the world is too much for me to handle. I have too much 'what if'.
Black can be turned to white, and white to black. I really dont know how to differentiate black and white anymore. I fear, I am afraid. I really want someone to understand me, to explain to me, to be my courage when I fear.
I am born as an aquarian. I dont blame anyone for not being able to understand me. Because an aquarian is hard to be understood in the first place. I find it really hard to share my problems out and keep everything to myself, whats more, trusting is already very hard for me.
Peace, love and joy, just dont exists. If they do, there wont be so many war, conflicts and fights around the world already.
I fear the future and even tommorrow. I just wish time will just stand still. As I grow older, I fear what is lying ahead of me. Yet I have been taught, when there is faith, there is no fear. Does that means faith do not exists within me? I have been taught love your enemies as your friends. But its tiring with me just doing it. It is really painful and tiring.
I thought as long as I try, as long I dont give up, everything will be fine. Or miracles could even happen. But I was wrong! I thought as long as I believe in whatever I do, I can make it. Again I was wrong. Everything is just so wrong! My beliefs are totally all wrong!!! Giving happiness is harder than I could ever imagine! Yes giving!!! and not recieveing. I thought, living every single day happily without regrets was perfect, yet it isnt.
All I can just think right now is, I am so disappointed in myself and for whatever I believe in. Just what did I believe in was ever correct.
At least, I still have a blog as a listening ear.
