Dear darlings,
I am feeling so #@%$%$&* inside. I don't even know why myself. Maybe today is just one of the so called bad days I am experiencing.
I have so much to speak, yet words just can't express what I am feeling right now. I am feeling terrible. Today, my house was so noisy, due to the endless quarelling of my sisters. I wasn't in the fight, but as an elder sister I had to shut their mouth and I sort of became a bad guy. They don't really understand don't they.
There's so many things in my life I want to change. After seeing my 2 cousins both brother and sister, they are so loving towards each other, of course they do fight, but it is sort of the playing kind. I wish my sisters were like this. I wish they are understanding, caring, compassionate and everything nice and sweet. It is tiring to have 3 younger sisters and me being the eldest. I hate being the eldest sister, I didn't even wanted it this way, who would want themselves to be placed into torture. It hurts to be the eldest, its tiring. I have to be the best in everything; I have to be literally grace-- elegance of beauty of form, manner, motion or action. This is just one meaning from the dictionary. An imperfection from me will cause grace to be falling downwards. A beautiful name, beautiful meanings, yet what lies ahead is a life with no joy.
Sometimes I really hate this role I have to play throughout my life. I kept thinking, if I were never given this role, what would life be right now. Would it be happier or worst? I sometimes do think what if I have a brother? Would life be better?
I always says I want to become a geographer, but inside of me, I feel that I could never become that. Its like ''I will not be able to live long enough, so stop thinking about what you want to be in the future'' kind of thought. Maybe it is just some stupid thinking that has been implanted in my brain.
There is so much more I want to type; to express myself, my sadness. I doubt anyone would even be interested in such mudane post. It's my life anyway, not yours.
I don't hate my life, but am seriously tired of it
I am feeling so #@%$%$&* inside. I don't even know why myself. Maybe today is just one of the so called bad days I am experiencing.
I have so much to speak, yet words just can't express what I am feeling right now. I am feeling terrible. Today, my house was so noisy, due to the endless quarelling of my sisters. I wasn't in the fight, but as an elder sister I had to shut their mouth and I sort of became a bad guy. They don't really understand don't they.
There's so many things in my life I want to change. After seeing my 2 cousins both brother and sister, they are so loving towards each other, of course they do fight, but it is sort of the playing kind. I wish my sisters were like this. I wish they are understanding, caring, compassionate and everything nice and sweet. It is tiring to have 3 younger sisters and me being the eldest. I hate being the eldest sister, I didn't even wanted it this way, who would want themselves to be placed into torture. It hurts to be the eldest, its tiring. I have to be the best in everything; I have to be literally grace-- elegance of beauty of form, manner, motion or action. This is just one meaning from the dictionary. An imperfection from me will cause grace to be falling downwards. A beautiful name, beautiful meanings, yet what lies ahead is a life with no joy.
Sometimes I really hate this role I have to play throughout my life. I kept thinking, if I were never given this role, what would life be right now. Would it be happier or worst? I sometimes do think what if I have a brother? Would life be better?
I always says I want to become a geographer, but inside of me, I feel that I could never become that. Its like ''I will not be able to live long enough, so stop thinking about what you want to be in the future'' kind of thought. Maybe it is just some stupid thinking that has been implanted in my brain.
There is so much more I want to type; to express myself, my sadness. I doubt anyone would even be interested in such mudane post. It's my life anyway, not yours.
I don't hate my life, but am seriously tired of it
