UPDATES!
I have finally bought my very first pair of NIKE shoes! Surprising right! Thanks to Darwina, I finally gathered enough courage to hand in my resignation letter. I feel very bad though. As I bought the shoes before I handed in my letter and they gave me staff discount! Ah!!! I rather they had let me paid the actual amount. My conscience is bothering me.
My sister says my shoes looks so guyish and its looks like soccer shoes. But who cares! It was love at first sight, and it doesnt has spikes on the soles, how can it be a soccer shoe. Its a cross training shoe. I initially was stucked with another pair of metallic grey and a pink stripe shoe, but it looks like ballet shoe. LOLS. Thank god for my blessing in disguise!
Initially just wanted to hang around leisure park, but when we passed by Parkway, we just couldn't resist going there. Darwina and I went around asking for PSP prices. She also made me want to get one PSP slim! Ahh. I don't know if I needed one, but it seems so awesome that I just want it for the sake of having it. HAIS!
I just needed to write the topic I have in my mind since yesterday, I just can't get it out of my head. I need to let out my fustration on my blog and to scold myself for being naive!
The question I have been stucked with is What is the meaning of friend
The dictionary gives 3 basic meanings:
1) a person attached to another by feelings of affection or personal regard.
2) a person who gives assistance; patron; supporter.
3) a person who is on good terms with another; a person who is not hostile.
Even though some of these meanings are true, but you know what! some are just plain rubbish!
I don't know if I should be angry, sad, or whatever. All I know is I am just hurt! I don't know if you understand me at all, or if I am so difficult to even be understood! The one thing that I hate most is being LIED at! Yet, I am so naive to even believe in you for so long.
Someone told me to forget everything that I have been told! I tried! But I can't. I don't hate you, I hate myself so much for being so naive. I have been saying I don't trust people easily, yet I was wrong. Why! Why on earth do I believe in every single thing I have been told, even if the lies was so obvious, yet I still believe because she is my friend, and I trust her.
Ignorance is INDEED "BLISS"! Its because I have been so ignorant of eveything that I can't even differentiate black and white anymore. I can forgive you for badmouthing me, I can forgive you for not understanding me, But I find it so difficult to forgive someone who lied to me for not days, not months, but years! Someone whom I trusted so much, did all these to me! What on earth is the meaning of friend? I hate the word friend so much, I hate myself so much!
I don't know what to do, I really don't know. I just want to cry on and on and on. I want a change in myself. Whether after changing it will be better or worst than before, I don't care. I just don't want the me, right now. The me right now sucks!
You must be amazed at how I scold myself. Thats how much I hate me! How amazing isnt it. You know what, scolding oneself, is very painful. My heart hurts. All I know is to just cry, cry as much as I want and I will feel better.
I've just realised how much I have missed god, I just want to pray and pray and pray. GOD was there for me, whenever I needed him.
I am going to church on saturday evening after the sentosa interns meeting. Its been so long since I last enter the house of God.
This is the song I hear whenever I am down, the song that I sing freely. The song, I would take pains to learn it on the piano. It is a perfect song. A song I will never grow sick of hearing. It may not be anything to you, its everything to me. Its a song that comforts me and gives me assurance.