Slept only at 5am this morning, with so many things running through my head it is no wonder why I could not fall asleep. My fever had subsided, my nose is still as runny as ever, my throat is still as sore, but my breathing problems are back again. Yet, I refuse to continue on my medication. Whats the point of taking medicine. Would it even be any better for my already painful life.
During my life's lowest point, I only have my blog to turn to. My life is pathetic. I tried to look at life positively,telling myself tomorrow will be a better day, working really hard in my pursuit of happiness- to love and to be loved unconditionally. Never mind if I am a failure in luck, never mind if I am a failure in relationships too. But when it comes to family love, it is very painful.
What does the role of the eldest sister play in a family? I don't know the answer and never in my life have I ever been given a chance to play my role out in my family. It seems that the only reason why I exist is to be constantly tormented, tortured and bullied by my 3 younger sister. Guess only those who have seen with their eyes how my sister bullies could understand that such things do exists in my supposedly perfect life. Throughout the years, I have only learnt that tolerating everything inside, is my only solution. Anymore, will always be my blame.
I do not even have the simplest form of respect an elder sister should have from her 3 younger siblings, which is calling me 'Jie Jie' and not by my name or even other names. Whats the point of being good only in my studies and a failure in everything else. Metaphorically and even literally, I just keep falling.
The other time was my dad, today is my sisters, I wonder what tomorrow's problem will be. It just keeps piling up on the already stressed me. I am so tired. I am at lost as to what I should do. I am afraid.
During my life's lowest point, I only have my blog to turn to. My life is pathetic. I tried to look at life positively,telling myself tomorrow will be a better day, working really hard in my pursuit of happiness- to love and to be loved unconditionally. Never mind if I am a failure in luck, never mind if I am a failure in relationships too. But when it comes to family love, it is very painful.
What does the role of the eldest sister play in a family? I don't know the answer and never in my life have I ever been given a chance to play my role out in my family. It seems that the only reason why I exist is to be constantly tormented, tortured and bullied by my 3 younger sister. Guess only those who have seen with their eyes how my sister bullies could understand that such things do exists in my supposedly perfect life. Throughout the years, I have only learnt that tolerating everything inside, is my only solution. Anymore, will always be my blame.
I do not even have the simplest form of respect an elder sister should have from her 3 younger siblings, which is calling me 'Jie Jie' and not by my name or even other names. Whats the point of being good only in my studies and a failure in everything else. Metaphorically and even literally, I just keep falling.
The other time was my dad, today is my sisters, I wonder what tomorrow's problem will be. It just keeps piling up on the already stressed me. I am so tired. I am at lost as to what I should do. I am afraid.
