Signed up for the Standard Chartered Marathon. After much persuasion, Darwina decided to go for it too. Now I wouldn't need to be worrying about being lonely. Had NDP parade full dress rehearsal and it is a total waste of my time. My life seems to be upside down. I have started to be very forgetful, just like how I could forget to bring my full dress attire when it was just next to my bag. Then there was yesterday, when I almost got knocked down by a car while crossing the road. Lately, I will get angry and upset very easily too. I have so many stuff running through my head, and even before I could finish finding answers, I got more stuff added. It is like a load that has no end.
I am at my breaking point. How nice would it be if I could just let go everything and enjoy life as it is, even if it is just for a day. I miss the feeling of having no burden and pressure at all. I miss being my carefree self. I want to be happy. In the pursuit of happiness- just stop and be happy. But how can I be happy, when I am not myself, when my heart is hurting so painfully, when the screams in me are silent, when I have so many expectations to meet, and when I am crying so badly inside. Maybe, I haven't tried hard enough in my pursuit of happiness......
Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't;
but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do.
Underestimated myself again, haven't I.
The Girl who broke her own heart
http://www.istorya.net/2006/07/21/the-girl-who-broke-her-own-heart/
Once upon a time a girl, whose heart was still whole and untroubled, met a boy prince. He had such woe in his eyes and a hole in his heart to match. She decided she’d try her best to make the boy smile again. As whole as she was that time, she could not resist the broken spirit’s unseen need for rescue.
Sooner on, the girl and the boy became best of friends and grew so close to each other that only they can comprehend what was going on between them. And so she fell in love with that broken prince. Though uncertain, she risked it all. She wanted him to look at his life in a new light through her sharing her whole heart. Hoping that in time, his heart would be whole again too.
The girl did not even think if this was the right thing to do. She only thought of the boy. She only thought that by loving him unconditionally, he will mend. This was the only way she knew how to at that time, maybe because she was someone who always shared unreservedly in almost everything. Foolish, always in constant optimism with how she dealt with her life, this was how she dealt with the boy.
Time passed… and the girl felt that what she was sharing was not enough. Yes, she did see the prince smile again but his heart still has that hole. She couldn’t understand why after all her efforts the boy’s heart was still missing a huge piece. Then she realized that sharing her heart would not suffice. Her heart was whole and the prince could only hold it in his hands, it did not fill the void in his heart. It was something the boy could easily return if she asked for her heart back. The girl thought of that hole in his heart again and again and it dawned on her… she had to do something that would cause her pain! Yet she did it anyways. She loved the prince so much and so beyond reason that she will do anything for him. So she broke her own heart, and from the broken pieces, she chose the fragments that would fit the hole in his heart best. She chose well so that it would fit perfectly and then she gave those fragments to the boy. She gave them to him and did not ask for its return. She gave it to him and hoped that this sacrifice will finally make his heart whole.
The boy received it and placed the pieces into that wretched hole that he has. Sadly, only a near perfect fit. There were still gaps. His heart was still missing some pieces. The prince knew then that even though he felt they were perfect for each other, even though he cared for the girl as she did for him, even though he knows all too well that what they have is like nothing he will ever have with someone else… she was not the one to mend him whole after all. So he told the girl of this unfortunate truth. He asked pardon for he cannot love her as much as she loved him because he saw now that he is still broken.
This became undoubtedly very clear to the girl. She understood it all now, and so simple, she can never fix the prince’s heart completely no matter what she does. Someone else was bound to do that for him… and maybe because she was not a princess after all. The girl knew she had to let the boy search for that someone now. And even with that much hurt tearing at her, she would set the prince free with a happy face. She would not want him to feel anymore sorrow again, not even if he sorrows for her. She told the prince he was free to look for the one who will make his heart whole and complete again. She did not ask for the pieces of her heart back, she has already given it to him. A least, this has helped filled his heart’s hole and this was something that will remind the prince of what they had.
The girl had never and will never ask anything in return from the boy and so… they bid goodbye with no regrets and no ill feelings for each other. The girl who broke her own heart felt such sadness she can only hide in silent weep and numb her emotions to escape. In time, she did fix her heart. She mended the broken pieces, but alas! her heart is not whole anymore. Yet, she has no regrets for what she did.
Time has passed and now the girl just guards her heart so closely because it’s already broken and incomplete. She cannot give it wholly unless someone is willing to fix it for her and she doesn’t even know if someone could ever want such a devalued thing.
A long time has passed… and she sees the prince again. She’s sees him with the girl - the princess who filled the gaps in his heart to completion. The girl sees them happy and she marvels that she feels happy too. She knows that the prince’s heart was already whole – the one thing she has always wanted for him. She holds her broken heart, a tear drops, and she smiles.
I am at my breaking point. How nice would it be if I could just let go everything and enjoy life as it is, even if it is just for a day. I miss the feeling of having no burden and pressure at all. I miss being my carefree self. I want to be happy. In the pursuit of happiness- just stop and be happy. But how can I be happy, when I am not myself, when my heart is hurting so painfully, when the screams in me are silent, when I have so many expectations to meet, and when I am crying so badly inside. Maybe, I haven't tried hard enough in my pursuit of happiness......
Its hard to pretend you love someone when you don't;
but its harder to pretend that you don't love someone when you really do.
Underestimated myself again, haven't I.
The Girl who broke her own heart
http://www.istorya.net/2006/07/21/the-girl-who-broke-her-own-heart/
Once upon a time a girl, whose heart was still whole and untroubled, met a boy prince. He had such woe in his eyes and a hole in his heart to match. She decided she’d try her best to make the boy smile again. As whole as she was that time, she could not resist the broken spirit’s unseen need for rescue.
Sooner on, the girl and the boy became best of friends and grew so close to each other that only they can comprehend what was going on between them. And so she fell in love with that broken prince. Though uncertain, she risked it all. She wanted him to look at his life in a new light through her sharing her whole heart. Hoping that in time, his heart would be whole again too.
The girl did not even think if this was the right thing to do. She only thought of the boy. She only thought that by loving him unconditionally, he will mend. This was the only way she knew how to at that time, maybe because she was someone who always shared unreservedly in almost everything. Foolish, always in constant optimism with how she dealt with her life, this was how she dealt with the boy.
Time passed… and the girl felt that what she was sharing was not enough. Yes, she did see the prince smile again but his heart still has that hole. She couldn’t understand why after all her efforts the boy’s heart was still missing a huge piece. Then she realized that sharing her heart would not suffice. Her heart was whole and the prince could only hold it in his hands, it did not fill the void in his heart. It was something the boy could easily return if she asked for her heart back. The girl thought of that hole in his heart again and again and it dawned on her… she had to do something that would cause her pain! Yet she did it anyways. She loved the prince so much and so beyond reason that she will do anything for him. So she broke her own heart, and from the broken pieces, she chose the fragments that would fit the hole in his heart best. She chose well so that it would fit perfectly and then she gave those fragments to the boy. She gave them to him and did not ask for its return. She gave it to him and hoped that this sacrifice will finally make his heart whole.
The boy received it and placed the pieces into that wretched hole that he has. Sadly, only a near perfect fit. There were still gaps. His heart was still missing some pieces. The prince knew then that even though he felt they were perfect for each other, even though he cared for the girl as she did for him, even though he knows all too well that what they have is like nothing he will ever have with someone else… she was not the one to mend him whole after all. So he told the girl of this unfortunate truth. He asked pardon for he cannot love her as much as she loved him because he saw now that he is still broken.
This became undoubtedly very clear to the girl. She understood it all now, and so simple, she can never fix the prince’s heart completely no matter what she does. Someone else was bound to do that for him… and maybe because she was not a princess after all. The girl knew she had to let the boy search for that someone now. And even with that much hurt tearing at her, she would set the prince free with a happy face. She would not want him to feel anymore sorrow again, not even if he sorrows for her. She told the prince he was free to look for the one who will make his heart whole and complete again. She did not ask for the pieces of her heart back, she has already given it to him. A least, this has helped filled his heart’s hole and this was something that will remind the prince of what they had.
The girl had never and will never ask anything in return from the boy and so… they bid goodbye with no regrets and no ill feelings for each other. The girl who broke her own heart felt such sadness she can only hide in silent weep and numb her emotions to escape. In time, she did fix her heart. She mended the broken pieces, but alas! her heart is not whole anymore. Yet, she has no regrets for what she did.
Time has passed and now the girl just guards her heart so closely because it’s already broken and incomplete. She cannot give it wholly unless someone is willing to fix it for her and she doesn’t even know if someone could ever want such a devalued thing.
A long time has passed… and she sees the prince again. She’s sees him with the girl - the princess who filled the gaps in his heart to completion. The girl sees them happy and she marvels that she feels happy too. She knows that the prince’s heart was already whole – the one thing she has always wanted for him. She holds her broken heart, a tear drops, and she smiles.
