Today I came to a conclusion.
Whatever that has happened, it is all God's will.
God has been protecting me these four years.
Making sure I never be so hurt ever again.
Because it pains him.
& because God doesn't want me to scold him and resented him like I did 4 years ago.
Because again, it pains him.
I remember the words I told God that day.
"I don't want to be in love ever again!! I'm going to lock my heart forever."
And I begged him not to let me be hurt anymore.
"If one day, I ever moved on and fall in love ago, please take him away from me. I don't want a moment of blindness to cause me a future of pain."
And four years just passed like this.
Not many people knew what happened.
"Except that my ex boyfriend and I chose to break up right after he made the decision to go USA to study.
Then, I was a selfish person. I didn't want him to go. I couldn't accept his dream. And I didn't want to wait for him to come back. Because I can't trust him. That probably, made him snapped.
The funny thing was, God hinted to me before that we will never work out. But I never listened to him.
Right after one week we started dating, he disappeared. We broke up.
But I was sad, but not very sad, since we just started.
And 2 weeks later, he came asking me to come back to him.
In my head, it was a clear no. I never give anyone a second chance in love.
I didn't give him an answer. He assumed it was a yes. And I let him assumed that way, till it was too late for me.
When we got back together, I was already going to church.
I asked him to go with me. He did.
He never believed in God, up till today.
That day at the church, while we were singing our praises, he got out of his seat with displeasure, left the room and smoke! His rudeness and disrespecting attitude pissed me off. But, I didn't do anything. And I even let him talked me out of going to church.
You know how they say, Love is Blind. Now that I think back, I was really blinded to the point I lost my own senses. I became someone, I don't know at all. Needless to say, we were fated to break up at some point. Because it was all God's will. And I believed it was my punishment to suffer the pain. Being with Hoang was my life's biggest and only regret. "
These, took most of my cheerfulness away.
In the past I was a very optimistic and happy person. I'll always giggle at everything, and have a huge smile on my face all the time. Even my teacher would comment to me "How can you be so cheerful all the time." Hahahas.
But!
These, made me a wiser and more matured person. I became more understanding.
And my motto in life became "Don't ever have any regrets in your life."
And fast forward today, I am grateful to God for making me into the person I am today.
I still have my flaws. I am still learning how to become a better me.
But I'm happy to be me. I love myself. ((:
And I am also happy to have embraced my past today, so that I can live in the present.
It was a burden to be caught in between. Now, I can heave a sigh of relieve.
God had never forsaken me. I did. But he still loves me no matter what I had done in heaven and on earth. I am still sinning, and he is still forgiving. God even told me to trust him with all my heart, that someday, he will give me someone who will sweep me off my feet.
Today, God taught me how to love someone selflessly. There were tears in my eyes. But a big smile on my face. I am happy.
My answer:-
You know I love you when I pray for you every night, hoping you will find your happiness. For God, to give you that one girl who will let you sweep her off her feet.
Amen.
Whatever that has happened, it is all God's will.
God has been protecting me these four years.
Making sure I never be so hurt ever again.
Because it pains him.
& because God doesn't want me to scold him and resented him like I did 4 years ago.
Because again, it pains him.
I remember the words I told God that day.
"I don't want to be in love ever again!! I'm going to lock my heart forever."
And I begged him not to let me be hurt anymore.
"If one day, I ever moved on and fall in love ago, please take him away from me. I don't want a moment of blindness to cause me a future of pain."
And four years just passed like this.
Not many people knew what happened.
"Except that my ex boyfriend and I chose to break up right after he made the decision to go USA to study.
Then, I was a selfish person. I didn't want him to go. I couldn't accept his dream. And I didn't want to wait for him to come back. Because I can't trust him. That probably, made him snapped.
The funny thing was, God hinted to me before that we will never work out. But I never listened to him.
Right after one week we started dating, he disappeared. We broke up.
But I was sad, but not very sad, since we just started.
And 2 weeks later, he came asking me to come back to him.
In my head, it was a clear no. I never give anyone a second chance in love.
I didn't give him an answer. He assumed it was a yes. And I let him assumed that way, till it was too late for me.
When we got back together, I was already going to church.
I asked him to go with me. He did.
He never believed in God, up till today.
That day at the church, while we were singing our praises, he got out of his seat with displeasure, left the room and smoke! His rudeness and disrespecting attitude pissed me off. But, I didn't do anything. And I even let him talked me out of going to church.
You know how they say, Love is Blind. Now that I think back, I was really blinded to the point I lost my own senses. I became someone, I don't know at all. Needless to say, we were fated to break up at some point. Because it was all God's will. And I believed it was my punishment to suffer the pain. Being with Hoang was my life's biggest and only regret. "
These, took most of my cheerfulness away.
In the past I was a very optimistic and happy person. I'll always giggle at everything, and have a huge smile on my face all the time. Even my teacher would comment to me "How can you be so cheerful all the time." Hahahas.
But!
These, made me a wiser and more matured person. I became more understanding.
And my motto in life became "Don't ever have any regrets in your life."
And fast forward today, I am grateful to God for making me into the person I am today.
I still have my flaws. I am still learning how to become a better me.
But I'm happy to be me. I love myself. ((:
And I am also happy to have embraced my past today, so that I can live in the present.
It was a burden to be caught in between. Now, I can heave a sigh of relieve.
God had never forsaken me. I did. But he still loves me no matter what I had done in heaven and on earth. I am still sinning, and he is still forgiving. God even told me to trust him with all my heart, that someday, he will give me someone who will sweep me off my feet.
Today, God taught me how to love someone selflessly. There were tears in my eyes. But a big smile on my face. I am happy.
My answer:-
You know I love you when I pray for you every night, hoping you will find your happiness. For God, to give you that one girl who will let you sweep her off her feet.
Amen.
